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In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.1

In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1
In recent years, young people tend to have more time for their friends while they spend less time with their families. Teenagers usually choose to be with their peers because they find them more available and understanding when compared to their family. I believe parents shouldn’t force their children instead they should find activities to gain their child’s attention. Overwhelming struggles of business world usually gets in the way of parents and their children. When both parents have to work for financial needs, children look outside to find the attention they need. Because on a daily basis, working parents aren’t available and even when they are at home, they are either tired of the work or there is always housework to do. For example, both of my parents were working and my mother would do house work when she gets back while my father would watch television complaining about his day, I had no choice but looking for friends to spend time and talk because they weren’t paying enough attention. Moreover, most parents forget they were a child once and they usually overreact to their children’s actions or decisions. They are either over-protective about their child or think that they can’t do mistakes which overwhelms their child. Such behaviours lead the child to prefer to be with his/her friends and discuss their problem instead of their parents. In conclusion, even if parents are working, they should spare a proper amount of time for their children to have a quality family time. Also, they should be aware of their reactions might frighten their children and damage their relationship.
In recent years, young
people
tend to have more
time
for their friends while they spend less
time
with their families.
Teenagers
usually
choose to be with their peers
because
they find them more available and understanding when compared to their family. I believe
parents
shouldn’t force their
children
instead
they should find activities to gain their
child’s
attention.

Overwhelming struggles of business world
usually
gets
in the way of
parents
and their
children
. When both
parents
have to
work for financial needs,
children
look outside to find the attention they need.
Because
on a daily basis, working
parents
aren’t available and even when they are at home, they are either tired of the work or there is always housework to do.
For example
, both of my
parents
were working and my mother would do
house
work when she
gets
back while my father would
watch
television complaining about his day, I had no choice
but
looking for friends to spend
time
and talk
because
they weren’t paying
enough
attention.

Moreover
, most
parents
forget they were a
child
once and
they
usually
overreact to their
children’s
actions or decisions. They are either over-protective about their
child
or
think
that they can’t do mistakes which overwhelms their
child
. Such
behaviours
lead the
child
to prefer to be with his/her friends and discuss their problem
instead
of their parents.

In conclusion
, even if
parents
are working, they should spare a proper amount of
time
for their
children
to have a quality family
time
.
Also
, they should be aware of their reactions might frighten their
children
and damage their relationship.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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