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In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. v.5

In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. v. 5
In recent days, both affluent and poor countries have had significant growth which stops them suffering from economic crisis. However, some experts assert that poor countries are much happier in facing this life nowadays rather than in affluent countries. By looking at this case, I personally believe that happiness is not only about money but there are some factors involved to gain it in this life. This essay will look into the reasons with some considerations. The striking difference between affluent and poor countries is the culture of those countries. Affluent countries consist of hard workers but they have no interest to build a family. They tend to be an individual person. As a consequent, they try to obtain their ambitions in order to gain self-satisfaction. However, it is totally different from poor countries which put family as the most important one in this life. They earn much money not only to cope with economic problems but also to gain happiness together with their family. Take Indonesian and Korean as the examples; Korean people prefer to spend their life lonely while Indonesian people choose marriage to stay with their partners. Therefore, people who live together with their family are full of affection since they can spend much time together. By contrast, for Korean people to use their money for their own and to fulfil their individual needs need to spend much time in the workplace. As a result, to gain happiness, people need to use their leisure time together with their beloved family. In addition, technological advancement is one reason why affluent countries cannot gain happiness like poor countries. Since the people in affluent countries prefer to spend much time with technology instead of interact with other people. They have sedentary life because they cannot involve in social interaction, it influences their behaviour and attitudes. Therefore, they lack the social respect in terms of ideal human being. In conclusion, to gain happiness people should change their perspective toward this life. They should consider that this life is full of enjoyable things, thus they must take part on it.
In recent days, both
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affluent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
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countries
have had significant growth which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
them suffering from economic crisis.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experts assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
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countries
are
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much
happier in facing this
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life
nowadays
rather
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. By looking at this case, I
personally
believe that
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happiness
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors involved to
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gain
it in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This essay will look into the reasons with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerations.

The striking difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affluent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is the culture of those
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countries
.
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Affluent
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countries
consist of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have no interest to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. They tend to be an individual person. As a consequent, they try to obtain their ambitions in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
self-satisfaction.
However
, it is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
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poor
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countries
which put
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family
as the most
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important
one in this
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life
. They earn
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much
money not
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only
to cope with economic problems
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but
also
to
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gain
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happiness
together with their
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family
. Take Indonesian and Korean as the examples; Korean
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people
prefer to
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spend
their
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life
lonely while Indonesian
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people
choose marriage to stay with their partners.
Therefore
,
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people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with their
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family
are full of affection since they can
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spend
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much
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time
together. By contrast, for Korean
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people
to
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use
their money for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and to fulfil their individual needs need to
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spend
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much
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time
in the workplace.
As a result
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
,
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people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their leisure
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time
together with their beloved family.

In addition
, technological advancement is one reason why
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affluent
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countries
cannot
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gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
like
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poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
“Since” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Since
the
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people
in
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affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with technology
instead
of interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They have sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot involve in social interaction, it influences their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and attitudes.
Therefore
, they lack the social respect in terms of ideal human being.

In conclusion
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their perspective toward this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They should consider that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is full of enjoyable things,
thus
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
on it.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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