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Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v.1

Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v. 1
Since the dawn of time, technology has been advancing. For the past years, it introduced latest models to the public market. It is agreed that some people will always want to buy the newest model a technology has to offer for reasons such as happiness, passion about new technology, status, getting advanced features and socialisation. These reasons will now be analysed. For one, many people want to purchase new things for happiness. For example, my boyfriend has given me the latest iPhone 6 plus from the apple company. It has always been my dream to have this and so this gave the ultimate happiness I have never experienced in my entire life. This makes it clear that buying new products will make people satisfied. In addition to this, it makes people more sociable. For instance, with the apple iPhone 6 plus my loved one has given me, I can now connect to my friends and relatives whether here in the Philippines or abroad through using Facebook, Integra and yahoo messenger accounts anytime and anywhere. It is obvious from this that buying new technology will make people sociable. New technology always comes with advanced features and people want the best tools to do their tasks. For example, a new computer or laptop comes with more storage capacity and other advancement and facilities that often allure a person to buy the latest model though s/he already has one. People often purchase new models of technological devices as part of their status. For instance, someone who has a car that completely satisfies the needs of this person would want to buy the latest model always. They prefer status over needs. In conclusion, for reasons like being happy, advanced technology, more features, ease of use, passion and more sociable, people want the latest products advanced technology has to offer. These reasons are good for some people. So it is recommended to buy newest products as long as you can afford them.
Since the dawn of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been advancing. For the past years, it introduced
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
to the public market. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the newest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
such as happiness, passion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, status, getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
features and
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
.

For one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things for happiness.
For example
, my boyfriend has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me the latest iPhone 6 plus from the apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It has always been my dream to have this and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this gave the ultimate happiness I have never experienced in my entire life. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfied.

In addition
to this, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more sociable.
For instance
, with the
Did you mean the proper noun "Apple" (= technology company)?
apple
iPhone 6 plus my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
me, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
connect to my friends and relatives whether here in the Philippines or abroad through using Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Integra
and yahoo messenger accounts anytime and anywhere. It is obvious from this that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sociable.

New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
features and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
the best tools to do their tasks.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
computer or laptop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with more storage capacity and other advancement and facilities that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
allure a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
though s/he already has one.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
of technological devices as part of their status.
For instance
, someone who has a car that completely satisfies the needs of this person would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
always. They
Use "to" with "prefer." You probably meant this: "prefer status to needs".
prefer status over needs
.

In conclusion
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
like being happy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, more features,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, passion and more sociable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
the latest products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
is recommended
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
A determiner is probably missing here: "the newest".
newest
products as long as you can afford them.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people always want the newest products made by technology. Why is this so? Is this a bad or a good thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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