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Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v.7

Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 7
In today's world, healthcare and education are two most important parts of people's life. Further, without proper education and sufficient health care system, a country can’t develop. However, the government has the responsible to create a healthy nation.   Personally, I believe that the government should provide basic needs to create a  healthy life and an educated nation independently. Everyone prefer to have a fascinating life, but we cannot do whatever we want.   Therefore, we have sacrificed some, such as drugs, tobacco, alcohol, and junk foods etc.   for a healthy life. In the present days, people are busy with their day to day work. As a result majority of them are not having balanced diets and some of them take fast food or junk food. They do not concern health and also it will cause many diseases in future.   For example, obesity, diabetes etc  Further, from the young age everyone should concern about their health. Especially people not only should think about the physical health but also consider the mental health. That is why the government should provide better health care and education for all citizens. The government is created by the taxes from valuable workforces of their country. Therefore, the government has the responsibility to offer them free health care facilities, heath education programme: such as healthy diet, clinics or hospitals for free medicine, etc. Further, the government can use social media to distribute health and education programme. Because nowadays, the majority of people are connected in social media. For example facebook, twitter etc. In addition, the government should implement such a law in order to increase a balanced lifestyle. For instance, due to the overpopulation of China, they have limited only one child for one family. In conclusion, when I consider all given points it is clear that only the government cannot make a healthy nation. Therefore, individuals should have concerns to prevent future health issues. However, the government should enforce such a law in order to increase our standard of lifestyle and also provide basic needs to the people who are expected from the government. In fact, in my opinion, the government and individuals are both responsible for building a healthy nation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are two most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Further
, without proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care system, a country can’t develop.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the responsible to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Personally
, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide basic needs to create a
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and an educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
independently
.

Everyone
The pronoun 'Everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "prefers", "preferred".
prefer
to have a fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot do whatever we want.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Therefore
, we have sacrificed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, such as drugs, tobacco, alcohol, and junk foods etc.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In the present days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
work.
As a result
majority of them are not having balanced diets and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food or junk food. They do not concern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
it will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For example
, obesity, diabetes etc
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Further
, from the young age everyone should concern about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
consider the mental health.

That is
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for all citizens. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is created
by the taxes from valuable
Possible spelling mistake found.
workforces
of their country.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the responsibility to offer them free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care facilities, heath
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
: such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet, clinics or hospitals for free medicine, etc.
Further
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media to distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are connected
in social media.
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
, twitter etc.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should implement such a law in order to increase a balanced lifestyle.
For instance
, due to the overpopulation of China, they have limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one child for one family.

In conclusion
, when I consider all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
points it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
, individuals should have concerns to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should enforce such a law in order to increase our standard of lifestyle and
also
provide basic needs to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In fact, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and individuals are both responsible for building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
23Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that health care and education should be the responsibility of the government but others think that it is the responsibility of the individuals themselves. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
368 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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