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Traffic congestion is a serious problem in many countries around the world. Describe the situation in your home country and suggest some solutions. v.1

Traffic congestion is a serious problem in many countries around the world. Describe the situation in your home country and suggest some solutions. v. 1
In the modern industrialized world, as the number of people is increasing, it brings more and more problems with it and one of the foremost issues that overpopulation lead to is traffic congestion. It becomes to pose a serious threat to both people and the environment especially in megacities. This essay will discuss some of the problems that traffic congestion is caused in my country and will provide possible solutions to them. First and foremost, the principle issue that a huge number of population and as a result, endless traffic jam causes is people’s stress level. Millions of people stuck in the traffic for hours and hours almost everyday and especially in the mornings so that it leads people to be more stressful in their daily life. As a result of this, if it is considered that the main proportion of commuters in my country is workers, their work performances are affected by the stress that they face every working day. Another probable issue that residents of my country, mainly those who live in big cities can confront is losing their valuable time. Nowadays people in my country tend to work much harder and longer in order to provide their family with their meets and as a result, most of them cannot spend so much time with their beloved ones. After tiring and long lasting working day, almost everyone tries to get home as soon as possible and traffic congestion is the thing that hinders it. The first aforementioned issue can be addressed by enhancing roads and providing residents with up to date public transportation so that less people will be using private cars. For this, for example, underground system can be improved by building more stations and more lines. Furthermore, for long term solution, some train systems can be constructed above the ground, to be exact, above car roads so that there will be more place for transportation without traffic jam. Therefore reducing the level of traffic will directly affect people’s mental health. The way forward to the problem of wasting time can be done by companies. To be exact, if lots of companies supply their employees with flexible working hours or telecommuting, there will be much less traffic jam on the roads and more time to spend with family or friends. To sum up, there are several reasons that are caused by traffic congestion and two of them are its negative impact on people’s stress level and time waste. However, with the correct approach of the government and several companies, these problems can be solved successfully.
In the modern industrialized world, as the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing, it brings more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with it and one of the foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
that overpopulation lead to is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
. It becomes to pose a serious threat to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the environment
especially
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
megacities
. This essay will discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
is caused
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and will provide possible solutions to them.

First
and foremost, the principle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
that a huge number of population and
as a result
, endless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam causes is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level. Millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stuck in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
for hours and hours almost
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and
especially
in the mornings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more stressful in their daily life.
As a result
of this, if it
is considered
that the main proportion of commuters in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is workers, their work performances are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that they face every working day. Another probable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
that residents of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
mainly
those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities can confront is losing their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tend to work much harder and longer in order to provide their family with their meets and
as a result
, most of them cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their beloved ones. After tiring and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
working day, almost everyone tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
is the thing that hinders it.

The
first
aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
can
be addressed
by enhancing roads and providing residents with up to date public transportation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be using private cars. For this,
for example
, underground system can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by building more stations and more lines.
Furthermore
, for long term solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
train systems can
be constructed
above the ground, to be exact, above car roads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be more place for transportation without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
reducing the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
will
directly
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental health. The way forward to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be done
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. To be exact, if lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
supply their employees with flexible working hours or telecommuting, there will be much less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam on the roads and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with family or friends.

To sum up, there are several reasons that
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
and two of them are its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
waste.
However
, with the correct approach of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
successfully
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Traffic congestion is a serious problem in many countries around the world. Describe the situation in your home country and suggest some solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
428 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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