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In past museums storged information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through internet. And, therefore, there is no need in museums. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In past museums storged information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through internet. And, therefore, there is no need in museums. v. 1
People used to search about culture and history in the museum, while these days, the information about art and traditional history are available in online. For that, some people think that museums are not necessary. I, holistically, disagree with this point of view due to several reasons. First and foremost, most of the objects are made of precious diamonds and unusual substances which cannot be found in present time. For example, the ancient rocks, utensils made before 400 B. C-all these stuffs should have a safe place to show for the viewer. Museums are considered as a safe space with rigid security which would make impossible any offender to steal the old objects. These kinks of objects cannot be kept in online, but pictures of ancient artefacts could be shown through the internet. Thus, the history of several ethnic groups and valuable natural resources like stones, marble, and rocks, which would be impossible to get, should be stored in the museum. On the other hand, it cannot be denied that the internet can hold huge information rather than any art galleries. However, the museum provides data of any culture with its live objects which can be visualized by the visitors. Besides that visitors can realize the true history regarding any history, since the museum provides true information which is stored by the authority. While the internet may prove fake, because the commentaries on culture might not be exact the knowledge thought by the common people. For instance, what people observe on the internet, the photo and some data-related to it which may be false. Therefore, the museum should be located in each country to hold culture and history of people. In conclusion, it is a controversial issue as to whether to keep the museum is essential, or, whether the internet is sufficient to hold the information about art and artistic history. In my opinion, the museum is a secure place to hold the object and its related data, as it is managed by the leader of the museum, while the internet may counterfeit regarding data collection.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to search about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, while these days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about art and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are available in online. For that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are not necessary. I,
holistically
, disagree with this point of view due to several reasons.

First
and foremost, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
are made
of precious diamonds and unusual substances which cannot
be found
in present time.
For example
, the ancient rocks, utensils made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
400 B. C-all these stuffs should have a safe place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
for the viewer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
are considered
as a safe space with rigid security which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
impossible any offender to steal the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
. These kinks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
pictures of ancient
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
could
be shown
through the internet.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of several ethnic groups and valuable natural resources like stones, marble, and rocks, which would be impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, should
be stored
in the museum.

On the other hand
, it cannot
be denied
that the internet can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hold
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rather
than any art galleries.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
provides data of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
which can
be visualized
by the visitors.
Besides
that visitors can realize the true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
regarding any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
provides true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which
is stored
by the authority. While the internet may prove fake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the commentaries on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
might not be exact the knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe on the internet, the photo and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data-related to it which may be false.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
should
be located
in each country to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, it is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is essential, or, whether the internet is sufficient to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hold
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about art and artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is a secure place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hold
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
object
and its related data, as it
is managed
by the leader of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, while the internet may counterfeit regarding data collection.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay In past museums storged information about culture and history. However, nowadays this information can be found through internet. And, therefore, there is no need in museums. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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