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Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss this both views and give your opinion. v.16

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss this both views and give your opinion. v. 16
People have different opinions about whether punishments for different crimes should be fixed, or the circumstances surrounding the offence or the motivation of an offender should be considered. I believe that before deciding on the judgement of a criminal, the factors around his or her crime should be examined. On one hand, some people believe that all criminals should have a fixed judgement. They believe that if breaking the law has a standard punishment, it would deter criminals from offending and reduce the likelihood of them reoffending. Also, punishing offenders based on a fixed criteria would help prevent manipulation of the law by offenders. For example, regarding the laws concerning speeding on roads has a clear and concise repercussion. This would make it difficult for drivers to successfully lie about their reasons for speeding. Hence, the incidence of road traffic accidents has reduced. On the other hand, I am of the opinion that various factors contribute to crime and these should be taken into account before punishing an offender. For example, a poor father could steal some food to feed his hungry family. In such a case, it would be unfair to pass a fixed judgement, without empathising with his motive. Also, also young be people are usually young and naive they should not be made to serve a jail term like adults would. For instance, when a child is caught abusing illegal drugs, it is better to send the child to a rehabilitating home than prison. In conclusion, while some people believe that the punishment for all illegal actions should be fixed. It seems to me that the factors and motive of an offender should also be taken into consideration before punishing them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about whether punishments for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
crimes should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
, or the
This phrase is redundant. Consider writing "circumstances of".
circumstances surrounding
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
or the motivation of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
should
be considered
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding on the judgement of a criminal, the factors around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
crime should
be examined
.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that all criminals should have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
judgement. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that if breaking the law has a standard punishment, it would deter criminals from offending and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the likelihood of them
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
.
Also
, punishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
based on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "criterion"?
criteria
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
manipulation of the law by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
.
For example
, regarding the laws concerning speeding on roads has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
and concise repercussion. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for drivers to
successfully
lie about their reasons for speeding.
Hence
, the incidence of road traffic accidents has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

On the other hand
, I am of the opinion that various factors contribute to crime and these should
be taken
into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
punishing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
.
For example
, a poor father could steal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food to feed his hungry family. In such a case, it would be unfair to pass a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
judgement, without
Possible spelling mistake. 'empathising' is British English.
empathising
with his motive.
Also
,
also
young be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
young and naive they should not
be made
to serve a jail term like adults would.
For instance
, when a child
is caught
abusing illegal drugs, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the child to a rehabilitating home than prison.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the punishment for all illegal actions should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
. It seems to me that the factors and motive of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offender
should
also
be taken
into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
punishing them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss this both views and give your opinion. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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