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In past days zoos used to play an important role to educate people about the wildlife as well as safeguard the endangered animals. But nowadays the zoos have no useful purpose. v.1

In past days zoos used to play an important role to educate people about the wildlife as well as safeguard the endangered animals. But nowadays the zoos have no useful purpose. v. 1
It is true that some people believe that Zoos have no beneficial use in our lives. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view. For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to think that Zoos are useless. Zoos have environmental, economical, and personal perspectives. Environmentally, zoos play an important role in wildlife conservation. They allow scientists to study animals and their behaviours. So, they help to protect endangered species like pandas and zebras from predators and humans who hunt animals for commodities such as tusk and fur. By protecting wildlife we maintain the natural balance of all life on the earth. Secondly, from an economic perspective, zoos employ large numbers of people. As a result, they provide job opportunities and income for the local areas. The money raised can be used for conservation projects and research. Finally, from a personal perspective, zoos are one of the important educational, interesting, and fun tools. They make a great day out for families to escape the pressure of life. Children, in particular, enjoy learning about animals.   Zoos have an important role in educating the public, helping them to understand the world around them, and enabling them to appreciate wild animals up close. Also, seeing an animal in person is a much more personal and more memorable experience than seeing that animal in a nature documentary. This exposure and education motivate people to protect the animals. For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that Zoos play an important role in our life nowadays, environmentally, personally, and economically. And we should do everything we can to protect them.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that Zoos have no beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this view. For a variety of reasons, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that Zoos are useless. Zoos have environmental, economical, and personal perspectives.

Environmentally
, zoos play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in wildlife conservation. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
scientists to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect endangered species like pandas and zebras from predators and humans who hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for commodities such as tusk and fur. By protecting wildlife we maintain the natural balance of all life on the earth.

Secondly
, from an economic perspective, zoos employ large numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, they provide job opportunities and income for the local areas. The money raised can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for conservation projects and research.

Finally
, from a personal perspective, zoos are one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
educational, interesting, and fun tools. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great day out for families to escape the pressure of life. Children,
in particular
, enjoy learning about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Zoos have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in educating the public, helping them to understand the world around them, and enabling them to appreciate wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
up close.
Also
, seeing an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in person is a much more personal and more memorable experience than seeing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in a nature documentary. This exposure and education motivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to protect the animals.

For the reasons mentioned above, I believe that Zoos play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in our life nowadays,
environmentally
,
personally
, and
economically
. And we should do everything we can to protect them.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In past days zoos used to play an important role to educate people about the wildlife as well as safeguard the endangered animals. But nowadays the zoos have no useful purpose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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