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Some people think that wildlife does not belong outside of its natural habitat. They do not think that zoos should exist. Others believe that zoos serve aneducational purpose that is more important than the rights of the wild animals. Which side of this arg v.1

Some people think that wildlife does not belong outside of its natural habitat. They do not think that zoos should exist. Others believe that zoos serve aneducational purpose that is more important than the rights of the wild animals. Which side of this arg v. 1
As society becomes more and more complicated, newly-developed occupations based on knowledge economy are booming, which benefits the workers with higher salaries. Some people therefore claim that wages for manual labours should also be raised to the amount equal to knowledge workers. However, in my opinion, the argument is hard to be put into practice owing to two salient reasons showed in the following paragraphs. Firstly, it seems rational that people with advanced diplomas gained preferable income because they have devoted more time and efforts to studies. That is, higher salaries can serve as an incentive to encourage students to pursue proficiency in academia and apply what they have learned to their future career. These intellectuals usually show more competencies to be responsible for the positions requiring specialised expertise and leadership skills. Thus, higher salaries could match their devotion to their respective fields. Secondly, the value of manual labours is depreciating because they could be replaced by robots and artificial intelligence. In order to cut the costs of human resources, more are more employers choose robots instead of hiring real people. As a result, those who do not have professional skills are unlikely to be paid equally to people having higher education. Moreover, lower standards of knowledge and skills are set for manual labours, so the supply for them is usually greater than the demand, which also makes them get less paid. To sum up, high salaries motivate people to undergo higher-level education. In contrast, manual workers who lack specialised skills and knowledge gain less income because they are easily substituted.
As society becomes more and more complicated,
newly
-developed occupations based on
knowledge
economy are booming, which benefits the workers with higher
salaries
.
Some
people
therefore
claim that wages for manual
labours
should
also
be raised
to the amount equal to
knowledge
workers.
However
, in my opinion, the argument is
hard
to
be put
into practice owing to two salient reasons
showed
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, it seems rational that
people
with advanced diplomas gained preferable income
because
they have devoted more time and efforts to studies.
That is
, higher
salaries
can serve as an incentive to encourage students to pursue proficiency in academia and apply what they have learned to their future career. These intellectuals
usually
show
more competencies to be responsible for the positions requiring
specialised
expertise and leadership
skills
.
Thus
, higher
salaries
could match their devotion to their respective fields.

Secondly
, the value of manual
labours
is depreciating
because
they could
be replaced
by robots and artificial intelligence. In order to
cut
the costs of human resources, more are more employers choose robots
instead
of hiring real
people
.
As a result
, those who do not have professional
skills
are unlikely to
be paid
equally
to
people
having higher education.
Moreover
, lower standards of
knowledge
and
skills
are set
for manual
labours
,
so
the supply for them is
usually
greater than the demand, which
also
makes
them
get
less paid.

To sum up, high
salaries
motivate
people
to undergo higher-level education.
In contrast
, manual workers who lack
specialised
skills
and
knowledge
gain less income
because
they are
easily
substituted.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that wildlife does not belong outside of its natural habitat. They do not think that zoos should exist. Others believe that zoos serve aneducational purpose that is more important than the rights of the wild animals. Which side of this arg v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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