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In order to reduce crime, some argue that attacking its cause like poverty is the best solution, while others believe that putting more people in prisons and having more policemen are more convenient way in tackling crime. Discuss both sides and give your v.2

In order to reduce crime, some argue that attacking its cause like poverty is the best solution, while others believe that putting more people in prisons and having more policemen are more convenient way in tackling crime. 2
Reducing the crime rate is crucial to ensuring the safety and security of people living in a particular society. While some people are in favour of building more prisons and increasing the number of policemen, others feel that achieving economic welfare is the key to tackling crime. In my opinion, all of these measures are required to fight crime effectively. There are several benefits to increasing the number of policemen patrolling the streets. They will act as a deterrent and force offenders to think twice before engaging in robbery or shoplifting. They will also increase the sense of safety among law-abiding citizens. It is equally important to punish those engaging in criminal activities. They are a threat to the life and property of people and hence they should be kept in confinement. The hardships that they face in the prison and the subsequent social alienation may reform at least some of them. Perhaps a better solution to reduce the crime rates is to ensure financial security for everyone. Studies have shown that most criminals have poor financial backgrounds. In most cases, it is their poverty that compels them to commit criminal deeds. If the government can create more jobs and provide economic security for all the people, the crime rates will automatically drop. Of course, this will require the government to invest more in education and vocational training. Educated and trained people will be able to create jobs themselves. They are also less likely to get into crime. To conclude, tackling crime is a tough task and the government has to employ all possible means to achieve this. This will involve deploying more policemen on the streets, putting criminals behind the bars and ensuring economic security for all the people.
Reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is crucial to ensuring the safety and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a particular society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of building more prisons and increasing the number of policemen, others feel that achieving economic welfare is the key to tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. In my opinion, all of these measures
are required
to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
effectively
.

There are several benefits to increasing the number of policemen patrolling the streets. They will act as a deterrent and force offenders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
engaging in robbery or shoplifting. They will
also
increase the sense of safety among law-abiding citizens. It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to punish those engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities. They are a threat to the life and property of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
hence
they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in confinement. The hardships that they face in the prison and the subsequent social alienation may reform at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them.

Perhaps a better solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates is to ensure financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
for everyone. Studies have shown that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have poor financial backgrounds.
In most cases
, it is their poverty that compels them to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
deeds. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can create more jobs and provide economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates will
automatically
drop.
Of course
, this will require the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest more in education and vocational training. Educated and trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to create jobs themselves. They are
also
less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into crime.

To conclude
, tackling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a tough task and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
employ all possible means to achieve this. This will involve deploying more policemen on the streets, putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
behind the bars and ensuring economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
security
for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to reduce crime, some argue that attacking its cause like poverty is the best solution, while others believe that putting more people in prisons and having more policemen are more convenient way in tackling crime. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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