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In order to attract more tourists, the government could either improve safety by hiring more police or improve its appearance by repairing old buildings and streets. Which way do you think is more effective? v.2

In order to attract more tourists, the government could either improve safety by hiring more police or improve its appearance by repairing old buildings and streets. Which way do you think is more effective? v. 2
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that visiting other countries is one the most interesting aspect of people life. Governments could acquire a lot of benefits by increasing people who have tendency to see some appealing places. Thus, they attempt to provide the suitable situation for enhancing these world surfing people which are called tourists. Not all people concur when this issue arises. Being cognizant to the logic behind those who repudiate or endorse the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that government should improve the facilities of the cities and repairing old buildings for appealing more tourists to their countries. Among a plentitude of reasons in support of this assertion, economic benefits and enhancing the beauty of the country could picked out for further analysis. To commence with, a consensus has yet to be reached; however, regarding the economy as an essential goal for governments, based upon the statistics of different general questionnaires in sundry countries, people are unanimous about the conviction that government should provide some facility for comforting transportation of people who visited their countries. The most important facilities include proper public transportation and efficient road systems. Tourists are tendency to visit the historical and natural places in the limited time; moreover, they expense a lot of money for visiting these places which it helps the money obtained by governments. Thus, government repair the streets for easy transportation. In addition, this activity could be accounted as a saving money process because finally government should improve their city for making the better life for the settlements of the cities. In addition to the reason raised above; visiting beautiful and clean old or natural place as a desire for tourists could also substantiate the justifiability the claim made at the outset of this essay. In conjunction with public belief, tourists do not visit some ugly and destroyed place and this issue could cause to reduce the tourist of each city. To elucidate on, old building should repaired for attracting more people. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above. The results of a study carried out by rice university’s graduate students unveiled the fact that Iran has a 50 percent increase in the number of tourist who visited this country each year by devoting 100 million dollars for providing some facilities for people who visit its attractive place. Drawing upon the above reasons, discreetly put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic is concerned, I reiterate that expense money for improving the streets and building of the specific city by government is more effective for attracting people that employing some police for increase the safety of the city. Improvement the view of city’s places not only helps the economy of the countries but also enhance the beauty of the cities.
No one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that visiting other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most interesting aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could acquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Thus
, they attempt to provide the suitable situation for enhancing these world surfing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
are called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concur when this issue arises. Being cognizant to the logic behind those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
repudiate or endorse the legitimacy of this contention, not having any biased perception, I presume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the facilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and repairing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
buildings for appealing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Among a
Possible spelling mistake found.
plentitude
of reasons in support of this assertion, economic benefits and enhancing the beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "pick"
picked
out for
further
analysis.

To commence with, a consensus has
yet
to
be reached
;
however
, regarding the economy as an essential goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, based upon the statistics of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
general questionnaires in sundry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unanimous about the conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facility for comforting transportation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visited their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facilities include proper public transportation and efficient road systems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
are tendency to visit the historical and natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in the limited time;
moreover
, they expense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for visiting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
which it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
obtained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
repair the streets for easy transportation.
In addition
, this activity could
be accounted
as a saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
finally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their city for making the better life for the settlements of the cities.

In addition
to the reason raised above; visiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and clean
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
as a desire for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
could
also
substantiate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
justifiability
the claim made at the outset of this essay.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conjunction with public belief,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ugly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and this issue could cause to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
of each city. To elucidate on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
building should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "repair"
repaired
for attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on what
was elaborated
above. The results of a study carried out by rice university’s graduate students unveiled the fact that Iran has a 50 percent increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visited this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
each year by devoting 100 million dollars for providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
visit its attractive place.

Drawing upon the above reasons,
discreetly
put, as far as my personal perspective on the topic
is concerned
, I reiterate that expense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for improving the streets and building of the specific city by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is more effective for attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that employing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
police for increase the safety of the city. Improvement the view of city’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enhance the beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to attract more tourists, the government could either improve safety by hiring more police or improve its appearance by repairing old buildings and streets. Which way do you think is more effective? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
479 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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