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Some people think that the governments spent money on artists would be better than on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that the governments spent money on artists would be better than on more important things. v. 1
Many individuals hold the view that governments themselves should prioritize crucial aspects rather than squandering national budgets on artists. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this point of view. Ample arguments in favor of investing in activities of artists believe that those artists deserve this lump sum from state governments seeing that they always have to encounter numorous difficulties, either finance or competitiveness. Therefore, this money would partially help them cover daily expenses. However, I contend that it is no longer the case in the present days due to the fact that activities related to art such as music, literature, movie, and so on have been thriving unprecedentedly in new era. The prime example of this trend is music industry, which is regarded as the multi-billion dollars business. Those legendary celebirties in this sector such as marie carrey, beyonce are leading the fulfilling and luxurious lives. They on their own could make a great deal of money without government-backed policies. Consequently, I would argue that this public money would be a waste if the governments pour into the artists. This funding, instead, should be deployed effectively on vital dimensions such as education and environment. It is true that more and more people have few educational opportunities due to the underprivileged background. Especially in the underdeveloped regions like Africa, where residents have low literacy and numeracy skills. Government spending, thereafter, should be pumped into this sector in order to help those disadvantaged people eradicate poverty and climd higher in social ladder. Another aspect that is worth being invested is environment because we human beings have been experencing environment deteriotation including natural resources scarcity and global warming. If, for example, the governments subsidize in this sector, then we could at least call a halt to this irreversible destructive effects. in conclusion, I maintain that government spending should be utilised properly and efficiently in crucial issues instead of subsidizing on the artists.
Many
individuals hold the view that
governments
themselves should prioritize crucial aspects
rather
than squandering national budgets on
artists
. In my opinion, I
strongly
agree
with this point of view.

Ample arguments in favor of investing in activities of
artists
believe that those
artists
deserve this lump sum from state
governments
seeing that they always
have to
encounter
numorous
difficulties, either finance or competitiveness.
Therefore
, this money would
partially
help
them cover daily expenses.
However
, I contend that it is no longer the case in the present days due to the fact that activities related to art such as music, literature, movie, and
so
on have been thriving
unprecedentedly
in new era. The prime example of this trend is music industry, which
is regarded
as the multi-billion dollars business. Those legendary
celebirties
in this sector such as
marie
carrey
,
beyonce
are leading the fulfilling and luxurious
lives
. They on their
own
could
make
a great deal of money without
government
-backed policies.
Consequently
, I would argue that this public money would be a waste if the
governments
pour into the artists.

This funding,
instead
, should
be deployed
effectively
on vital dimensions such as education and environment. It is true that more and more
people
have few educational opportunities due to the underprivileged background.
Especially
in the underdeveloped regions like Africa, where residents have low literacy and numeracy
skills
.
Government
spending, thereafter, should
be pumped
into this sector in order to
help
those disadvantaged
people
eradicate poverty and
climd
higher in social ladder. Another aspect
that is
worth
being invested
is environment
because
we human beings have been
experencing
environment
deteriotation
including natural resources scarcity and global warming. If,
for example
, the
governments
subsidize in this sector, then we could at least call a halt to this irreversible destructive effects.

in
conclusion, I maintain that
government
spending should be
utilised
properly
and
efficiently
in crucial issues
instead
of subsidizing on the
artists
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the governments spent money on artists would be better than on more important things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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