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In order for many young people to contribute to our society, it is worthwhile to make university/college students do colunteer work in order to give credits which are necessary for their degrees. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In order for many young people to contribute to our society, it is worthwhile to make university/college students do colunteer work in order to give credits which are necessary for their degrees. v. 1
Schools today more and more encourage their students to work voluntary in their community to know the society they belong to. However, I do not disagree that universities make their students to do volunteer works to give them credits to obtain their degree. To begin with, giving students credit by doing volunteer works is not considered as voluntary spirit. Charity works should be done with their own will, not to gain something they want in return. Although I concede that the community can get better with the intervention of young people's aids, the issue is that the genuine benevolent spirit. Another concern is that university students might become lazy for their academic performance due to the credits that they can get relatively easier by providing their volunteer works in the society. Even though I acknowledge that supporters of children who engage with the service to get credits think that it can be a valuable experience for youngsters as well by knowing their community they live in, I agree that it can be unethical to help vulnerable people for their own sake, such as either good grades or credits they need to graduate. In short, although volunteer works from young people can be benefit both themselves and the society, I strongly believe that charity work should be performed with the simple voluntary spirits. Therefore, I think schools should not make children work for credits which are necessary for their degrees.
Schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more and more encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
voluntary in their community to know the society they belong to.
However
, I do not disagree that universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works to give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
to obtain their degree.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credit
by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works is not considered as voluntary spirit. Charity works should
be done
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will, not to gain something they want in return. Although I concede that the community can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better with the intervention of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's aids, the issue is that the genuine benevolent spirit.

Another concern is that university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might become lazy for their academic performance due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relatively
easier by providing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works in the society.
Even though
I acknowledge that supporters of children who engage with the service to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can be a valuable experience for youngsters
as well
by knowing their community they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it can be unethical to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
vulnerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sake, such as either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
they need to graduate.

In short, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
works from young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be benefit both themselves and the society, I
strongly
believe that charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be performed
with the simple voluntary spirits.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
schools should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
credits
which are necessary for their degrees.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In order for many young people to contribute to our society, it is worthwhile to make university/college students do colunteer work in order to give credits which are necessary for their degrees. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
239 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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