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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v.2

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 2
Sports and exercise helps to keep a person physically fit and mentally strong. Physical education is recommended and should be made compulsory for children and teenagers. This essay will discuss the benefits of exercising and the problems it overcomes. Firstly, the majority of the young generation is becoming obese due to their sedentary lifestyle as a result, they are bringing diseases and medical problems in their bodies. However, this can be avoided by making physical education compulsory for all the students. With regular practice the students are likely to be interested in sports and therefore they will have a fitter body and mind. Secondly, being active in sports has proven to have strong mental and emotional quotient. Research has shown that sport persons have the ability to make decisions faster. These qualities will help students make their own decisions becoming successful in their lives. Additionally, exercise and sports are stress busters, by staying active and regularly exercising the young generation will stay happy. To sum up, I would say sports and exercise has good things to offer, making physical education compulsory will have benefits on physical as well as mental level which results in overall well being of a student.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
and exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a person
physically
fit and mentally strong.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
education
is recommended
and should
be made
compulsory for children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This essay will discuss the benefits of exercising and the problems it overcomes.

Firstly
, the majority of the young generation is becoming obese due to their sedentary lifestyle
as a result
, they are bringing diseases and medical problems in their bodies.
However
, this can
be avoided
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education compulsory for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. With regular practice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are likely to
be interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
therefore
they will have a fitter body and mind.

Secondly
, being active in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has proven to have strong mental and emotional quotient. Research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
persons have the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions faster. These qualities will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions becoming successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Additionally
, exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
busters, by staying active and
regularly
exercising the young generation will stay happy.

To sum up, I would say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and exercise has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things to offer, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education compulsory will have benefits on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
as well
as mental level which results in
overall
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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