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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A minimum number of physical education credits should be required for graduation college. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.408

A minimum number of physical education credits should be required for graduation college. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 408
A remarkable change has happened in the last two decades in the women ‘s life. A situation that has led to think that several troubles of a teenager is a consequence from the fact that mothers have quite worked, hence they do not have time to stay at home to care for their children. However, I disagree with this statement, due to young people should be a responsibility of both parents. While in the majority of families, children are closer to their mothers, this has happened to the fact that women have shared more time with them, even from their birth. Therefore, it is commonly believed that the care of a child is a responsibility of a woman, because, they will obey them more. Indeed, if the female side is not in a house this could bring as a consequence that sons have a bad behaviour, to get the attention from their mothers. On the other hand, there are many factors to explain the juvenile delinquency. Although one of them is the lack the attention from both parents, the most important is the capitalistic world in which we live nowadays. Hence, people need more material goods to survive, so if they do not have the support economics and emotional from their families, likely they have to commit some crimes. In conclusion, if we think that the breading is only responsibility of women, we would be back as a society, because if we force to mothers to stay at home this does not mean that juvenile delinquencies decrease. Even the labour world would have a low quality, because the female side is fundamental in the workplace.
A remarkable
change
has happened in the last two decades in the women ‘s life. A situation that has led to
think
that several troubles of a
teenager
is a
consequence from
the fact that mothers have quite worked,
hence
they do not have time to stay at home to care for their children.
However
, I disagree with this statement, due to young
people
should be a responsibility of both parents.

While in the majority of families, children are closer to their mothers, this has happened to the fact that women have shared more time with them, even from their birth.
Therefore
, it is
commonly
believed that the care of a child is a responsibility of a woman,
because
, they will obey them more.
Indeed
, if the female side is not in a
house
this could bring as a consequence that sons have a
bad
behaviour
, to
get
the attention from their mothers.

On the other hand
, there are
many
factors to
explain
the juvenile delinquency. Although one of them is the lack the attention from both parents, the most
important
is the capitalistic world in which we
live
nowadays.
Hence
,
people
need more material
goods
to survive,
so
if they do not have the support economics and emotional from their families, likely they
have to
commit
some
crimes.

In conclusion
, if we
think
that the breading is
only
responsibility of women, we would be back as a society,
because
if we force to mothers to stay at home this does not mean that juvenile delinquencies decrease. Even the
labour
world would have a low quality,
because
the female side is fundamental in the workplace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay A minimum number of physical education credits should be required for graduation college. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 408

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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