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In multicultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multicultural societies outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In multicultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multicultural societies outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
It is not uncommon in the new era that people with different nationalities and cultural background mingle together, as the globalization of economy and culture continue to become the mainstream. This is an inevitable trend and I deem that it should be embraced with more optimism. The interaction between citizens of diverse cultural backgrounds is likely to add more spice to the modem life. People coming from various countries lead quite distinct lifestyles due to different living habits and cultural heritage. The diversity of culture can bring a continuous feeling of freshness and a novel, exotic experience to those who have no former access to the other cultures. Take New York, for example, it is a noted metropolis renowned for its multitude of cultural complex and a bunch of cultural genres, which are the fusion of different ethnic groups' beliefs and cultural outlooks. The residents in New York can hardly feel bored with the monotonous life because they are more accessible to a cultural melting pot. Besides, a multicultural society is more tolerant. It is true that the openness of one country is closely related to how diverse the culture is for the reason that mutual understanding and empathy are the foundation of peaceful co-existence. Thus, the dissent is inclined to be set aside in order to gain more consensus and the society will become more open to the less dominant cultures. As for the dark sides of the multicultural trend is rather limited but still worth mentioning. One most conspicuous drawback might be the threat to the local culture, especially when other foreign cultures are too aggressive and dominant. But this problem can still be handled if some precautious measures are carried out. To conclude, the exchange of different cultures is the unavoidable tendency and both individuals and the society as a whole can be the beneficiaries.
It is not uncommon in the new era that
people
with
different
nationalities and
cultural
background mingle together, as the globalization of economy and
culture
continue to become the mainstream. This is an inevitable trend and I deem that it should
be embraced
with more optimism.

The interaction between citizens of diverse
cultural
backgrounds is likely to
add
more spice to the modem life.
People
coming from various countries lead quite distinct lifestyles due to
different
living habits and
cultural
heritage. The diversity of
culture
can bring a continuous feeling of freshness and a novel, exotic experience to those who have no former access to the other
cultures
. Take New York,
for example
, it is a noted metropolis renowned for its multitude of
cultural
complex and a bunch of
cultural
genres, which are the fusion of
different
ethnic
groups&
#039; beliefs and
cultural
outlooks. The residents in New York can hardly feel bored with the monotonous life
because
they are more accessible to a
cultural
melting pot.

Besides
, a multicultural society is more tolerant. It is true that the openness of one country is
closely
related to how diverse the
culture
is for the reason that mutual understanding and empathy are the foundation of peaceful co-existence.
Thus
, the dissent
is inclined
to
be set
aside in order to gain more consensus and the society will become more open to the less dominant cultures.

As for the dark sides of the multicultural trend is
rather
limited
but
still
worth mentioning. One most conspicuous drawback might be the threat to the local
culture
,
especially
when other foreign
cultures
are too aggressive and dominant.
But
this problem can
still
be handled
if
some
precautious measures
are carried
out.

To conclude
, the exchange of
different
cultures
is the unavoidable tendency and both individuals and the society as a whole can be the beneficiaries.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In multicultural societies, people of different cultural backgrounds live and work together. Do you think the advantages of multicultural societies outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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