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Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 4
The medium and locally based business are incapable to strive because of the growth and enlargement of the superstores in some countries. Some citizens believe that shutting down the home grown business will collapse the native communities. I completely agree with this and think that the local business plays a constructive role in generating employment and keep the communities’ machine rolling to avoid overload into major cities. The local shops and stores are an excellent source to create a wide range of professions for the people who live around the community. As they are small and provide services to a limited area which means that more people are needed to perform the works and tasks such as a restaurant in one place is only able to feed the surrounding people while another restaurant is required to be operated in other areas to fulfil the need of the other citizens. So as the number of the increases, the more people will be looked-for different jobs, at least between 3 to 4 waiters/waitresses, and etc. We can apply the same formula to many other businesses from grocery stores to mechanical shops and etc. For example, when McDonald opened its branch in my community in Kart-e-Sea, the restaurants lost almost 85% of their customers and at the end a lot of people lost their contracts. Furthermore, the people will be forced to travel to the main cities to locate jobs in order to continue their life. As the people start moving to cities, the local communities will go to the brink of demise and collapse. The cities will be overwhelmed due to the lack of enough space to accommodate the migrants from adjacent communities. On the other hand, the local communities will be emptied and the machine of the community will halt. In conclusion, the development and fast growing of the supermarkets will result in the demise of the local communities because it will take the jobs for the local people which will oblige them to move the key cities for hunting jobs.
The medium and
locally
based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
are incapable to strive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growth and enlargement of the superstores in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
citizens believe that shutting down the
This word is normally spelled as one.
home grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will collapse the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
plays a constructive role in generating employment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities’
machine rolling to avoid overload into major cities.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops and stores are an excellent source to create a wide range of professions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. As they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and provide services to a limited area which means that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are needed
to perform the works and tasks such as a restaurant in one place is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
able to feed the surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while another restaurant
is required
to
be operated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas to fulfil the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
as the number of the increases, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be looked
-for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, at least
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 3 and 4".
between 3 to 4
waiters/waitresses,
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. We can apply the same formula to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
from grocery stores to mechanical shops
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
For example
, when McDonald opened its branch in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
in Kart-e-Sea, the restaurants lost almost 85% of their customers and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their contracts.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be forced
to travel to the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to locate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in order to continue their life. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
will go to the brink of demise and collapse. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
will
be overwhelmed
due to the lack of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to accommodate the migrants from adjacent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
will
be emptied
and the machine of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
will halt.

In conclusion
, the development and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing of the supermarkets will result in the demise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which will oblige them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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