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In modern world, many children spend a lot of time in front of computers, television and smartphones. This is very harmful to them. To what extent do you agree. v.1

In modern world, many children spend a lot of time in front of computers, television and smartphones. This is very harmful to them. v. 1
It is argued that in the world of advancement children spend their most of time on electronic gadgets. This essay agrees with this statement because it has bad impact on their eyes and also and child get obese. Childrens are using digital screen gadgets are facing many problems related to their eyesight. As the light rays came from screen of these gadgets can harm their eye motor neuron and thier brain cells hence these children tend to face difficulties in visualising longer and shorter distance objects and thinking process. In the recent research has done by opticals of united kingdom the reports found that child which spent more times on gadgets are facing problem in performing tasks compared to those who use it for limit time because of the issue they are facing to see the objects clearly. Additionally, excessive time look at computer or other digital screens also impact on their health. Kids prefer to eat food while using these gadgets and mostly prefer to eat junk food which effect on their daily calorification intakes. Food did not get digested properly which results in getting overweight. A research has found that 40 percent of children who are facing problem of getting obese are because of their eating habits while using these digital screens. To conclude, longer hours in front of screen aplliances causes harm to their visual abilities and health. It is therefore considered that parents should monitor and control the hours their kids spend starring at electronic gadgets.
It
is argued
that in the world of advancement children spend their most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their eyes and
also
and child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obese.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
are using digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems related to their eyesight. As the light rays came from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
can harm their eye motor neuron and
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
brain cells
hence
these children tend to face difficulties in
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualising' is British English.
visualising
longer and shorter distance objects and thinking process. In the recent research has done by
Possible spelling mistake found.
opticals
of
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
united kingdom
the reports found that child which spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are facing problem in performing tasks compared to those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the issue they are facing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the objects
clearly
.

Additionally
, excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
look at computer or other digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
also
impact on their health. Kids prefer to eat food while using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
and
mostly
prefer to eat junk food which effect on their daily
Possible spelling mistake found.
calorification
intakes. Food did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
digested
properly
which results in getting overweight.
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
A research
has found that 40 percent of children who are facing problem of getting obese are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their eating habits while using these digital screens.

To conclude
, longer hours in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
Possible spelling mistake found.
aplliances
causes harm to their visual abilities and health. It is
therefore
considered that parents should monitor and control the hours their kids spend starring at electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern world, many children spend a lot of time in front of computers, television and smartphones. This is very harmful to them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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