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Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. v. 1
I agree with parents moderating the amount of time that children spend watching the television or the computer screen. Parents should restrict access to the television and computer screens for children once a certain time limit has been reached. Watching the television or computer screen for many hours at once can significantly alter a child's perception of the outside world, ruin the child's eyesight, or even slow down the growth of their brain. When a child is watching television or the computer screen, they are exposed to plenty of unnatural items that alter their perception of the outside word. For example, they may be exposed to cartoons and video games that contain unnatural actions or words. As an effect, the child may display such unnatural traits even when they are away from the scenes. Furthermore, a child must be exposed to nature and education to develop their brains. Viewing unnatural scenes for long periods of time can slow down the growth of the behavioural aspect of their brain. Similarly, a child might behave with a person as they must have learnt from televisions or computer screens. Exposing children to nature instead of unnatural sources of information can make them more curious and independent. Most importantly, harmful rays from television or computer screens can alter the eyesight of an individual significantly. Being exposed to great amounts of concentrated light rays on your eyes can be very harmful to the eyes. Eyes are better off without these harmful rays. In conclusion, a child's television and computer viewing time should be limited as much as possible. Since, there are many educational and informative materials on the internet too, televisions and computers should be allowed for the child to use after a certain age. Spending a great deal of time in front of the computer or television can slow down the development of a child's brain and spoil the eyesight.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with parents moderating the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that children spend watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
. Parents should restrict access to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
for children once a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limit has
been reached
. Watching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours at once can
significantly
alter a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
perception of the outside world, ruin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
eyesight, or even slow down the growth of their brain.

When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnatural
items that alter their perception of the outside word.
For example
, they may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exposed
to cartoons and video games that contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnatural
actions or words. As an effect, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may display such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnatural
traits even when they are away from the scenes.

Furthermore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exposed
to nature and education to develop their brains. Viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnatural
scenes for long periods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can slow down the growth of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
aspect of their brain.
Similarly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
might behave with a person as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
or computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
. Exposing children to nature
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unnatural
sources of information can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more curious and independent.

Most
importantly
, harmful rays from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
or computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
can alter the eyesight of an individual
significantly
. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exposed
to great amounts of concentrated light rays on your eyes can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the eyes. Eyes are better off without these harmful rays.

In conclusion
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and computer viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should
be limited
as much as possible. Since, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational and informative materials on the internet too,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
and computers should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
after a certain age. Spending a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the computer or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can slow down the development of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
brain and spoil the eyesight.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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