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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more with friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.2

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more with friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2
Today's world is changing at the rapid pace. Over the last few decades, trend of working for long hours is ever increasing. Due to this fact more time is being spent by youngsters with their friends instead of parents. This essay will discuss reasons behind this trend and discuss the solutions how guardians can motivate their wards to spend more time at home. First of all, in the modern world, it is necessary for both the parents to work to satisfy daily needs. For example, high standards of living, higher accommodation prices and various other household requirements cannot be fulfilled by one family member's income, hence it became mandatory for both the family members to do a job. Due to this, a very little time is spent with their children. Secondly, Most of the families are nuclear nowadays, so young one's finds nobody at home with whom they can share their emotions. In other words, youngsters need some company for recreational purposes, so they tend to spend more time with their friends. Firstly, the guardian should spare some time in their busy schedule for their child. Parents should never force their children to stay at the home. In fact, there are many ways by which they can motivate young minds. They should encourage them to pursue some hobby. Even one hour of quality time with youngsters can boost their confidence. For instance, one can pursue many hobbies without leaving home such as reading, painting, cooking or blogging. These will not only help an individual to develop a skill, but also help in spending quality time at the home. In short, positive guidance and motivation can be used successfully in keeping adults at home without using any force. To conclude, there are numerous ways in indulging young minds in the creative activities. Due to lack of such activities, adults are spending more time among friends and less with their family. It is recommended that guardians should spend some quality time with their wards.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's world is changing at the rapid pace. Over the last few decades, trend of working for long hours is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
. Due to this fact more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
being spent
by youngsters with their friends
instead
of parents. This essay will discuss reasons behind this trend and discuss the solutions how guardians can motivate their wards to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in the modern world, it is necessary for both the parents to work to satisfy daily needs.
For example
, high standards of living, higher accommodation prices and various other household requirements cannot
be fulfilled
by one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member's income,
hence
it became mandatory for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to do a job. Due to this, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
with their children.
Secondly
, Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are nuclear nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
young one's finds nobody at home with whom they can share their emotions.
In other words
, youngsters need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for recreational purposes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends.
Firstly
, the guardian should spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their busy schedule for their child.

Parents should never force their children to stay at the home. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways by which they can motivate young minds. They should encourage them to pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hobby. Even one hour of quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with youngsters can boost their confidence.
For instance
, one can pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hobbies without leaving home such as reading, painting, cooking or blogging. These will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the home. In short,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
guidance and motivation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
successfully
in keeping adults at home without using any force.

To conclude
, there are numerous ways in indulging young minds in the creative activities. Due to lack of such activities, adults are spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
among friends and less with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. It
is recommended
that guardians should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their wards.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more with friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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