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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.5

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 5
In these times, adolescents would rather spend more of their free time with peers, consequently having little time for their kin. This is because of a similarity of interests among peers and none with family members. Parents can present these young people with mutually satisfying activities rather than coercing them to stay indoors. The youth of today have a varied set of interests, most of which differ from that of the members of their families, particularly parents. They would rather spend time engaging in activities with friends who share similar interests such as social media video games. A recent study stated that there is an increasing number of users of these games in the past year and the statistics clearly state that 90 percent of users fall under the age range of 16 to 24 which are classified as young adults. Also, it has been concluded by behavioural scientists that the brain secretes the same quantity of the substance (serotonin) when a subject is engaged in a pleasurable activity such as video games regardless of the person with whom it is played. This highlights that the act rather than the person it is engaged in with is the cause of the pleasure. With this in mind, understanding and sharing same interests with their young ones is surely a way for parents to ensure they spend more time at home. Taking the effort to speak with them about their likes and dislikes and being clear about intent without chastising or ridicule. This will foster better communication between both parties, enhance their relationship and lead to these young adults feeling more relaxed and present at home. Research has revealed that teens with whom their parents engage in social activities have a better relationship with family members and spend more time at home. In conclusion, nowadays, young people would rather interact with mates during their free time than stay at home with parents owing to the differences in interests between them and their families. Participating in mutually engaging interests with them will help parents ensure they stay home instead of forcing them to do so.
In these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, adolescents would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with peers,
consequently
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their kin. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a similarity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
among peers and none with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can present these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
mutually
satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than coercing them to stay indoors.

The youth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have a varied set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
, most of which differ from that of the members of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with friends who share similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
such as social media video games. A recent study stated that there is an increasing number of users of these games in the past year and the statistics
clearly
state that 90 percent of users fall under the age range of 16 to 24 which
are classified
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults.
Also
, it has
been concluded
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
scientists that the brain secretes the same quantity of the substance (serotonin) when a subject
is engaged
in a pleasurable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
such as video games regardless of the person with whom it
is played
. This highlights that the act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than the person it
is engaged
in with is the cause of the pleasure.

With this in mind, understanding and sharing same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones is
surely
a way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to ensure they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home. Taking the effort to speak with them about their likes and dislikes and being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
about intent without chastising or ridicule. This will foster better communication between both parties, enhance their relationship and lead to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults feeling more relaxed and present at home. Research has revealed that teens with whom their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
engage in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have a better relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

In conclusion
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
interact with mates during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than stay at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
owing to the differences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
between them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Participating in
mutually
engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
with them will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ensure they stay home
instead
of forcing them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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