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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.7

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 7
Nowadays, youngsters hang out with their friends rather than devoting time to their families. This change in society has occurred due to the modern trend, where the young generation can live apart from their home, in a more independent environment. Parents should be patient towards their child, and promote family meetings through holidays and special events. Teenagers in their yearly twenties move out from home to live separately. Young people wish to become as adults, living a life with their own rules and schedule. At this prospective, they can freely communicate with their peers and build up their personal lifestyle. On the other hand, so-called modern parents put a stamp of responsibility to their grown teens, giving them more freedom. Adults expect them to learn to make choices and decisions by themselves. Parents should be patient towards their children, and organize family meetings through holidays and special events to create a reason to come over. This approach is collaborative and more effective rather than forcing them to get home for a conversation. If a child comes to their parents in special occasions such as weekend family parties, birthdays and anniversaries, then this can strengthen relationships between them in a long run. In conclusion, parental control became less common among grown teenagers as they live independently and as a consequence, they spend a short amount of time with their families. Adults, however, should be more insightful rather than forceful; in order to collaborate with them and promote family time on means of specially organized events. I believe that this unique approach can unite or at least sustain family members together.
Nowadays, youngsters hang out with their friends
rather
than devoting time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in society has occurred due to the modern trend, where the young generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
apart from their home, in a more independent environment. Parents should be patient towards their child, and promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
meetings through holidays and special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
in their yearly twenties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out from home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separately
. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wish to become as adults, living a life with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and schedule. At this prospective, they can
freely
communicate with their peers and build up their personal lifestyle.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called modern parents put a stamp of responsibility to their grown teens, giving them more freedom. Adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
them to learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
choices and decisions by themselves.

Parents should be patient towards their children, and organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
meetings through holidays and special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to create a reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over. This approach is collaborative and more effective
rather
than forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home for a conversation. If a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their parents in special occasions such as weekend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
parties, birthdays and anniversaries, then this can strengthen relationships between them in a long run.

In conclusion
, parental control became less common among grown
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
and as a consequence, they spend a short amount of time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Adults,
however
, should be more insightful
rather
than forceful; in order to collaborate with them and promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time on means of
specially
organized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. I believe that this unique approach can unite or at least sustain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members together.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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