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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.6

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 6
People from the ancient times are very social in nature and hence they invented languages to interact with each other. They developed these habits of gathering with each other, rather it be family or friends. The people socializing in modern society has been shifted towards one side, then be equally distributed for both relatives and social circle. The recognition that then new generation can give to friends is more than they can give to family, which is not good for their self interests as both family and friends are equally important. Considering the fact the now a days people are so busy with their own work life balance that they do not have enough energy for them to interact with their own family and that causes this shift of balance of giving much attention to friends than family. The person needs attention when growing since they are developing and want to know the world better, therefore they need someone to guide them and when their family does not interact with them, they tend to seek attention from their friends and hence the period they spend with family is lessened. Families are so busy in these advanced times that they rarely see each other; Considering this fact and forcing kids to be more at home means the family as a whole need to be at home to interact with each other. Another aspect to forcing children to spend more time with family will be negative and rebellious. Parents should ask the children rather than forcing them to entirely devote themselves to family is to distribute their time evenly between parents and social circle. With modernization, people change and the change can be good or bad for the society and it can only be judged after we have experienced it. Gathering between relatives and colleagues is being judged by the same measures that, Interaction with one is good while interacting with other bad instead of equally distributing time for each.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
social in nature and
hence
they invented languages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They developed these habits of gathering with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
,
rather
it
Did you mean "is"?
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
socializing in modern society has
been shifted
towards one side, then be
equally
distributed for both relatives and social circle. The recognition that then new generation can give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is more than they can give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their self interests as both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Considering the fact the
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
work life
balance that they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
energy for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and that causes this shift of balance of giving much attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The person needs attention when growing since they are developing and want to know the world better,
therefore
they need someone to guide them and when their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with them, they tend to seek attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
hence
the period they spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is lessened
.

Families are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy in these advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
that they rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
; Considering this fact and forcing kids to be more at home means the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as a whole need to be at home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interact
with each other.

Another aspect to forcing children to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and rebellious. Parents should ask the children
rather
than forcing them to
entirely
devote themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is to distribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
evenly
between parents and social circle.

With modernization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for the society and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be judged
after we have experienced it. Gathering between relatives and colleagues is
being judged
by the same measures that, Interaction with one is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
while interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
instead
of
equally
distributing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for each.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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