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In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.1

In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1
It is frequently considered by some that boosting the quantity of sport facilities are the viable method to improve social health, whilst others reckon that different actions have to be taken instead. I take the view that government financing should be allocated for the development of hospitals. On the one hand, it is admittedly that physical activity can improve power of human muscles and, probably make them more defended from various diseases. In addition, one investigation revealed that people's bodies release adrenaline and other hormones, which can contribute to boost of positive mood, during intensive exercises and also being physically active can aid to maintain attractiveness in spite of age. In summary, all of these factors will improve people's well-being. On the other hand, there are other steps that can improve the social strength such as consuming healthy foods. Furthermore, fruits and vegetables contain a plenty of vitamins and other beneficial components that can defend human body from various viruses. As a consequence, people will be healthier and feel powerful, young and confident due to this sort of action and their digestive system will work better. To sum up, it is undisputed for mainly people that healthy nutrition is an indispensable part of human life. In my view, government should provide funding to develop hospitals, which are more crucial for the majority of people that either need to cure their ailments or just to be healthier. In the same way, it is necessary to allocate money to pills, drugs and medical equipment that contribute to the treatment and improvement of social fitness. To conclude, in my perspective, financing of hospitals will be more useful rather than other steps for development of people's well-being, and also it will be possible for invalid and other people from different social groups to improve their state of health.
It is
frequently
considered by
some
that boosting the quantity of sport facilities are the viable method to
improve
social
health, whilst others reckon that
different
actions
have to
be taken
instead
. I take the view that
government
financing should
be allocated
for the development of hospitals.

On the one hand, it is
admittedly
that physical activity can
improve
power of human muscles and,
probably
make
them more defended from various diseases.
In addition
, one investigation revealed that
people
's bodies release adrenaline and
other
hormones, which can contribute to boost of
positive
mood, during intensive exercises and
also
being
physically
active can aid to maintain attractiveness
in spite of
age. In summary, all of these factors will
improve
people
's well-being.

On the
other
hand, there are
other
steps that can
improve
the
social
strength such as consuming healthy foods.
Furthermore
, fruits and vegetables contain a
plenty
of vitamins and
other
beneficial components that can defend human body from various viruses. As a consequence,
people
will be healthier and feel powerful, young and confident due to this sort of action and their digestive system will work better. To sum up, it
is undisputed
for
mainly
people
that healthy nutrition is an indispensable part of human life.

In my view,
government
should provide funding to develop hospitals, which are more crucial for the majority of
people
that either need to cure their ailments or
just
to be healthier.
In the same way
, it is necessary to allocate money to pills, drugs and medical equipment that contribute to the treatment and improvement of
social
fitness.

To conclude
, in my perspective, financing of hospitals will be more useful
rather
than
other
steps for development of
people
's well-being, and
also
it will be possible for invalid and
other
people
from
different
social
groups to
improve
their state of health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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