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In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.2

In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2
By augmentation and progressing of communities as well as huge changes of life style, one of the matters that parents today are struggling with is about their correct behavior of their offspring. The more their children grow up, the more juveniles gradually drift apart from the family context. During some last decades, psychologists have declared some root causes of this phenomenal. To tackle this problem they expose some notions and discuss about them, one of which is coercion of offspring for being at home. In this essay, we will try to some reasons of issue and whether the mentioned resort feasible to solve this entangled clue. Psychologists and philosophers unanimously certify that every effect stems from a reason and in this matter, i. e. over time discreteness between parents and young adult, listing some causes. One of which, that is not veil to the public, indubitably is the media, such as TV, radio, newspaper and most gravest of them public media having grown in some years ago. Via them, life style has been experiencing galloping alterations, directly effecting on this family member separation. Other reason relates to the own parents who obdurately persist to adapt themselves with modern society where one of corollaries is isolation and sequestering. To solve this issue there are some ways, one of them, which is a primary solution, is keeping young adults at home with imperative. The results of a research conducted in UK on more than 2000 families by certifiable university of Columbus and recently published in Magazine of Nature obviously demonstrate that arresting at home and trying to seclude children from public has some pernicious efficacies on their subconscious and subliminal conscious, while their catastrophic results will emerge in impending future. To recapitulate briefly, while young juveniles are drifting apart over time from warm embrace of family, whether through broadcasts or not inuring own parents to modern life, parents to some extent have to come into terms with this phenomenal. Compelling children to be at home just exacerbates the situation and having detrimental effects and irreparable damages on future life of children.
By augmentation and progressing of communities
as well
as huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style, one of the matters that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are struggling with is about their correct behavior of their offspring. The more their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up, the more juveniles
gradually
drift apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
context. During
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
last decades, psychologists have declared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
root causes of this phenomenal. To tackle this problem they expose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
notions and
Did you mean simply "discuss them"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about them
, one of which is coercion of offspring for being at home. In this essay, we will try to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons of issue and whether the mentioned resort feasible to solve this entangled clue.

Psychologists and philosophers
unanimously
certify that every effect stems from a reason and in this matter,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
over time discreteness between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and young adult, listing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes. One of which,
that is
not veil to the public,
indubitably
is the media, such as TV, radio, newspaper and
Use only "gravest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most gravest
of them public media having grown in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago. Via them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style has been experiencing galloping alterations,
directly
effecting on this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member separation. Other reason relates to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
obdurately
persist to adapt themselves with modern society where one of corollaries is isolation and sequestering.

To solve this issue there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways, one of them, which is a primary solution, is keeping young adults at home with imperative. The results of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in UK on more than 2000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
by certifiable university of Columbus and recently published in Magazine of Nature
obviously
demonstrate that arresting at home and trying to seclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from public has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pernicious
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficacies
on their subconscious and subliminal conscious, while their catastrophic results will emerge in impending future.

To recapitulate
briefly
, while young juveniles are drifting apart over time from warm embrace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, whether through broadcasts or not inuring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into terms with this phenomenal. Compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
exacerbates the situation and having detrimental effects and irreparable damages on future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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IELTS essay In modern times, young adult are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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