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In modern society, it is possible to do shopping, work and communicate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. To what extent do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

In modern society, it is possible to do shopping, work and communicate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. v. 1
The advancement of technology has made it easy for humanity to pass information, buy and work online without visible contact with the person, once there is access to the internet. Although there are some downsides to this development, I believe it has more of upsides because it could be used to crea Some people believe it has many disadavantages in terms of people prefer to shop online instead of visiting the store which could advertently lead to foot fall thereby causing people to lose their jobs due to companies downsizing their employees. However, crucial observation would reveal many job opportunities has been created since the onset of the internet therefore leading to reduction in the rate of unemployment nationwide. For example, University of Manchester carried out a survey in 2018 which reveals that many students got jobs on different websites before they graduated. Additionally, retail stores could open their own websites to display their merchandise which would compesate for loss of footfalls as well as allow them reach larger market worldwide. Furthermore, internet has made information to be easily accessible to all. Also, it has ensured for it be sent at a faster rate unlike in the ancient times where telegram and letters could take more than a week to deliver. Consequently, wars has been averted through this method and economic ties has been strengthened. Take for instance, an email can be sent rapidly by world leaders to prevent any mis-interpretation of their actions which has led to war in the past. Finally, people can educate themselves online on any topic, this has helped to reduce the level of outrageous ignorance that people initially had. In summary, it can be seen that disadvantages of the internet is negligible in comparison with the advantages because of the various positive effects it has on humanity. I, therefore, recommend that the government should subsidize cost of data to enable free access to all.
The advancement of technology has made it easy for humanity to pass information,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and work online without visible contact with the person, once there is access to the internet. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to this development, I believe it has more of upsides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
crea


This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
disadavantages
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to shop online
instead
of visiting the store which could
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertently
lead to foot fall thereby causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose their jobs due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
downsizing their employees.
However
, crucial observation would reveal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job opportunities has
been created
since the onset of the internet
therefore
leading to reduction in the rate of unemployment nationwide.
For example
, University of Manchester carried out a survey in 2018 which reveals that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
jobs on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they graduated.
Additionally
, retail stores could open their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
websites to display their merchandise which would
Possible spelling mistake found.
compesate
for loss of footfalls
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them
Please check whether 'to' is missing here (to allow to do something).
reach
larger market worldwide.

Furthermore
, internet has made information to be
easily
accessible to all.
Also
, it has ensured for it be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
at a faster rate unlike in the ancient
It is better to use 'times' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "times when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
times where
telegram and letters could take more than a week to deliver.
Consequently
, wars has
been averted
through this method and economic ties has
been strengthened
. Take
for instance
, an email can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
rapidly
by world leaders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any
Possible spelling mistake found.
mis-interpretation
of their actions which has led to war in the past.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can educate themselves online on any topic, this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the level of outrageous ignorance that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
initially
had.

In summary, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that disadvantages of the internet is negligible
in comparison
with the advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects it has on humanity. I,
therefore
, recommend that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should subsidize cost of data to enable free access to all.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern society, it is possible to do shopping, work and communicate via the Internet without face-to-face contact with one another. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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