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In this modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. Do you support this development v.2

In this modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. Do you support this development v. 2
In this advance time period the life has been made more convenient by technology and it is very feasible for everyone to fulfill their needs in daily life with the help of internet and people can easily stay lonely from each other without any kind of face to face contact. I fully support to this given statement and the varied points of using internet are being described in upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, the internet has become an integral part in the life of people due to some innovative features in their pivotal works and every work related to study as well as business relies on internet for accumulating a knowledge. Moreover, it can be clearly seen in this modern era how most of the people are willing to purchase several types of products related to cosmetics and household goods as well as it is an immensely used for business purpose for updating a software and useful application to reduce a human presence. As a result of having a good internet access the business strategies are easily expand by owners. Further more, in the previous period of life, people had to struggle to communicate without internet but now a days internet has provided a face to face conversation so people can easily communicate with each other through internet and it is the cheapest source for sending an emails to another country. As a result, the major advantage of internet is the creation of jobs for an every ordinary person. In conclusion, people should understand the value of internet because everything is depend on internet and without internet very difficult to survive in this time period.
In this advance time period the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has
been made
more convenient by technology and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
feasible for everyone to fulfill their needs in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
stay lonely from each other without any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
contact. I
fully
support to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and the varied points of using internet are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the internet has become an integral part in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innovative features in their pivotal works and every work related to study
as well
as business relies on internet for accumulating
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "knowledge".
a knowledge
.
Moreover
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in this modern era how most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
several types of products related to cosmetics and household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as well
as it is an
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for business purpose for updating a software and useful application to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
a human presence.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result of having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
internet access the business strategies are
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "expanded".
expand
by owners.

Further
more, in the previous period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to struggle to communicate without internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
internet has provided a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
conversation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
communicate with each other through internet and it is the cheapest source for sending
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an email" or simply "emails"?
an emails
to another country.
As a result
, the major advantage of internet is the creation of jobs for an every ordinary person.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should understand the value of internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on internet and without internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to survive in this time period.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In this modern world it is possible to shop, work, and communicate with people via internet and live without any face to face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion. Do you support this development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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