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In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men What do you think make these changes happen What s your opinion about it v.2

In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men What do you think make these changes happen What s your opinion about it v. 2
Participation of female employees in the labor-market has been gradually increasing over the last decade. Liberalization of society in recent times promotes more women to work with their male-counterpart as their freedom of choice, but then again, a lot of them are being compelled to work in male-oriented industry. In this essay, the presence of woman in job-market as an effect of freedom of choice and family context resulting from a liberal society will be discussed in my opinion. In an open society, everyone is free to make a choice. Similarly, women can decide the level of education they want to pursue and career-path as well. Joining army by a girl, for example, was not allowed in many countries, but now, most of the nations agreed to open opportunities in millitary for everyone. As a result, though fighting wars, once thought to be a man’s job, has become very common among for female soldiers. As the free-will is made public by the governments, head-count of female citizens in physically-tough jobs is also increasing. Though a liberal society honors an individual’s opinion, some women are compelled to join male-oriented labor force. In other words, females, raring children as single mother, has to earn for the bread and butter for the offsprings, no matter how capable she is to secure a favorable job. In Bangladesh, for illustration, 1 in every 1000 women has been working as a day-labor in construction industry, working with male workers, as the wage-earner of her family. This society allowed them to join such industry, but family context created the pressure to deliver the hard labor. To conclude, job opportunities are becoming more person oriented than male-oriented. Modern society developed the platform for the women to decide on their career, but they join a male-preferred profession either on free-will or they are being forced by family-context.
Participation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
employees in the labor-market has been
gradually
increasing over the last decade. Liberalization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in recent times promotes more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to work with their male-counterpart as their freedom of choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then again,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
them are
being compelled
to work in male-oriented industry. In this essay, the presence of woman in job-market as an effect of freedom of choice and family context resulting from a liberal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will
be discussed
in my opinion.

In an open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, everyone is free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a choice.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can decide the level of education they want to pursue and career-path
as well
. Joining army by a girl,
for example
, was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, most of the nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to open opportunities in
Possible spelling mistake found.
millitary
for everyone.
As a result
, though fighting wars, once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common among for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
soldiers. As the free-will
is made
public by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, head-count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
citizens in
physically
-tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is
also
increasing.

Though a liberal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
honors an individual’s opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are compelled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
male-oriented labor force.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, raring children as single mother,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
earn for the bread and butter for the
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
, no matter how capable she is to secure a favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In Bangladesh, for illustration, 1 in every 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
has been working as a day-labor in construction industry, working with male workers, as the wage-earner of her family. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
such industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
family context created the pressure to deliver the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
labor.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities are becoming more person oriented than male-oriented. Modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
developed the platform for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to decide on their career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a male-preferred profession either on free-will or they are
being forced
by family-context.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men What do you think make these changes happen What s your opinion about it v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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