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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.10

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 10
Previously, people considered shopping as a regular daily activity for all the age groups. But now this trend has become as a habit for the most of the people. People think that this is a positive trend. However, I completely disagree this change as an added advantage to their live's. This essay will discuss the reasons for why this is a negative trend. Firstly, by considering shopping as a habit, there would be a huge financial loss for the families which will lead to family financial crises over a period of time. For instance, consider one of the middle class family member has this habit, where people who barely earn money for their basic needs they will definitely throw away from their daily needs. Additionally, considering rich people, even though they do have capabilities to spend on, but still it will lead to irresponsibility towards their expenditure. Secondly, by doing shopping activity as a habit, people are wasting their valuable time which they can't get back in their lifetime. Irrespective of the financial status of the public, people who are addicted towards the filling their shopping bags. While doing the shopping people definitely forget about the time which in turn result to the poor time management. Consider this was the case of the kids, there will a huge impact on their career as well as their personal development. To conclude, time management and wasting of money are the key factors for every individual. Since the shopping habit will definitely have tremendous negative impact of those essential factors, therefore, doing shopping as a leisure activity has a huge impact on personal career.
Previously,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a regular daily activity for all the age groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this trend has become as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
for the most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
However
, I completely disagree this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
as an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
advantage to their
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "lives"?
live's
. This essay will discuss the reasons for why this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

Firstly
, by considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
, there would be a huge financial loss for the families which will lead to family financial crises over a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, consider one of the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family member has this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
barely
earn money for their basic needs they will definitely throw away from their daily needs.
Additionally
, considering rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
even though
they do have capabilities to spend on,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
it will lead to irresponsibility towards their expenditure.

Secondly
, by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activity as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wasting their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which they can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back in their lifetime. Irrespective of the financial status of the public,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are addicted
towards the filling their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
bags.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
definitely forget about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which in turn result to the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. Consider this was the case of the kids, there will a huge impact on their career
as well
as their personal development.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management and wasting of money are the key factors for every individual. Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
will definitely have tremendous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of those essential factors,
therefore
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a leisure activity has a huge impact on personal career.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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