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using one language is more important that fewer languages v.1

using one language is more important that fewer languages v. 1
It is considered that's not important enough to live with so many languages on the earth, even if your mother speech is going to lose day bay day. I completely disagree with that opinion and I think that it is more important to live a life with our own languages characteristic. Firstly, I believe that life with many languages, supports diversity and cultures in the world to make everyone feels worthy everywhere. However, everyone tries to find the similarity, but going to forget their own languages and identity, they will not proud of their heart. It always brings pressure in the whole life because missing something which they had before. For example, many people even if they speak with the English they still use their own accent. They will not forget their own dialect on that way. That's why it's important to keep our idiom up. Secondly, using the variety of languages teaches us to try to understand people more, which can bonding our emotional each other. In the other words, there is a strong relation between variables of idiom and relationship. People who activity in the area with not just one conversation usage can easily has insight to their colleagues, they are going to be easier to cooperate and collaborate with each other. For instance, Tony is the chief of the scholarship award, which consists of the award from many regions. He understands them with their accents and he becomes a good leader, making a tight bonding, and everybody likes him.
It
is considered
that's not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
on the earth, even if your mother speech is going to lose day bay day. I completely disagree with that opinion and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
characteristic.

Firstly
, I believe that life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, supports diversity and cultures in the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone feels worthy everywhere.
However
, everyone tries to find the similarity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
going to forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and identity, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will not proud
of their heart. It always brings pressure in the whole life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
missing something which they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even if they speak with the English they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
accent. They will not forget their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dialect on that way. That's why it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our idiom up.

Secondly
, using the variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
teaches us to try to understand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more, which can bonding our emotional each other. In the other words, there is a strong relation between variables of idiom and relationship.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who activity in the area with not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one conversation usage can
easily
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
insight to their colleagues, they are going to be easier to cooperate and collaborate with each other.
For instance
, Tony is the chief of the scholarship award, which consists of the award from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions. He understands them with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
accents and
he becomes a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leader, making a tight bonding, and everybody likes him.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay using one language is more important that fewer languages v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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