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In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
Nowadays, the lack of food supplement is becoming a notable problem in some countries. This essay will discuss the main cause of the issues and rise some solutions, before coming to a reasoned conclusion. In many countries, especially in Africa, many people are living in the shortage of food. This situation comes from both subjective and objective. Firstly, weather changing, polluted environment and new plant disease are the basic cause of lost season which lead to the decreasing of food amount. Secondly, the Governments in some countries do not pay attention to develop their Agriculture. This makes the farmers life more and more difficulty. Furthermore, overpopulation is also another burden on a ration of each person. As the result, the shortage of food grown slowly and people hardly realize it until the problem has gone so far. For example, the population in China has increased so fast many years ago and driven to the situation that food supplement cannot meet the demand at many parts, especially in the countryside. Therefore, the Government should take some steps to develop agriculture as well as protecting the environment to solve this issue. First and foremost, people should be rise their awareness of global warming, which has affected a lot of the climate. Moreover, renovating soil and water, which are damaged by pollution should be seriously attention. On the other hand, the Government should enact new law to assure the farmer life as well as figure out the suitable method to promote the agriculture. For instant, Israel grows plan that suit with desert climate and bring a lot economic value. This policy helps Israel becoming the strongest Agriculture in the world. In conclusion, famine is happening in many places in all over the world because of many grounds. However, this problem can be solved if their governments find out an improved policy and people pay more attention to regenerate their environment.
Nowadays, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supplement is becoming a notable problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. This essay will discuss the main cause of the issues and rise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
especially
in Africa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from both subjective and objective.
Firstly
, weather changing, polluted environment and new plant disease are the basic cause of lost season which lead to the decreasing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
amount.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries do not pay attention to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Agriculture
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "farmers'" or "farmer's"?
farmers
life more and more difficulty.
Furthermore
, overpopulation is
also
another burden on a ration of each person. As the result, the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
grown
slowly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly realize it until the problem has gone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.
For example
, the population in China has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago and driven to the situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
supplement cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts,
especially
in the countryside.

Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
as well
as protecting the environment to solve this issue.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
Did you mean "risen"?
rise
their awareness of global warming, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the climate.
Moreover
, renovating soil and water, which
are damaged
by pollution should be
seriously
attention.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should enact new law to assure the farmer life
as well
as figure out the suitable method to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
. For instant, Israel grows plan that suit with desert climate and bring a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
lot
economic value. This policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Israel becoming the strongest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Agriculture
in the world.

In conclusion
, famine is happening in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places in all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grounds.
However
, this problem can
be solved
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
find out an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
policy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay more attention to regenerate their environment.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world, there is not enough food for everyone. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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