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In many parts of the world, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. v.3

In many parts of the world, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. v. 3
Television has become the state of the art entertainment tool and people may subscribe to their preferred channels at a low cost. However, some critics warn that teens would not engage in sports once they start watching sports channel fervently. I personally think that it discourages sports-lovers to play games as the intrinsic issue is whether the youths love sports deeply. Firstly, television may alter the teenagers' interests because of the widespread coverage of sports programmes. For example, many youths in my country prefer watching sporting competitions than taking sports in real life. This leads them spending more time in front of a TV set than taking part in outdoor activities. In contrast, youths who are the fans of sports may not be influenced by television adversely. For example, a person who favours in watching Liverpool soccer team will be inspired by the team which appears on television and may wish to experience how they play soccer during a competition. In other words, the teenagers may start to get involved in sports due to their admirations towards the sports team. Consequently, television may be a useful tool to arouse the interests of teens having sports. It is a basic human nature that they try to mimic something that they enjoy. According to this nature, someone who finds some sort of game interesting on TV would like to play it as well. The broadcast of sports on TV makes these games more popular in many countries and it is natural that people of these areas would spend more time playing these games. People mostly watch interesting and live sports rather than watching all the sports all the time. Sports channel not only broadcast games, they also show programs that make critical analysis and shows the history of the games and these two aspects help the interested youths learn more about the games. While there are plenty of programs that could have negative impacts on the young generation, with the popularity of sports channels, young people watch sports more than those short of negative programs. To conclude, the fundamental issue is whether the young treat themselves as spectators or athletes. In the case of the teens imagine themselves as spectators, television may dishearten them from taking part in sports but reversely, it may encourage the youth to start engaging in sports too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has become the
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
entertainment tool and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may subscribe to their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
at a low cost.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics warn that teens would not engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
fervently
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it discourages sports-lovers to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as the intrinsic issue is whether the youths
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
deeply
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may alter the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
' interests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the widespread coverage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths in my country prefer watching sporting competitions than taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in real life. This leads them spending more time in front of a TV set than taking part in outdoor activities.

In contrast
, youths who are the fans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
may not
be influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
adversely
.
For example
, a person who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
in watching Liverpool soccer team will
be inspired
by the team which appears on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and may wish to experience how they play soccer during a competition.
In other words
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
due to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
admirations
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
team.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may be a useful tool to arouse the interests of teens having sports.

It is a basic human nature that they try to mimic something that they enjoy. According to this nature, someone who finds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of game interesting on TV would like to play it
as well
. The broadcast of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries and it is natural that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of these areas would spend more time playing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
interesting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than watching all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
all the time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
broadcast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
programs that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
critical analysis and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and these two aspects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the interested youths learn more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of programs that could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the young generation, with the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
more than those short of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
programs.

To conclude
, the fundamental issue is whether the young treat themselves as spectators or athletes. In the case of the teens imagine themselves as spectators,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may dishearten them from taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reversely
, it may encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
too.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world, there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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