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Should state museums charge visiting fees or that should be completely free? v.1

Should state museums charge visiting fees or that should be completely free? v. 1
Globally, every museum charges its visitors for visiting the museums. It creates a difference between have and have not poor sentence formation. Everyone should be given an opportunity to know about his /her native country's culture. Moreover, more numbers of local people visit museums when we make an analogy to people who make special trips to visit them. So, in this way citizens of a nation could also share and understand the heritage of their homeland. Affordability to visit museums should not be hindered just because of financial hurdles. As a result of these museums could have both foreigners and locals visiting them. On the other hand, it is quite a difficult task for state museums to maintain and add collections for our cultural heritage. They would have to compete with other necessities of people like education, hospitals etc. for allocation of the budget provided by the government. State museums would face quite a lot of difficulties to renovate and add collections to existing nation's fortune. Moreover, the number of visitors could damage the property of museums. So, the number of visitors should be limited regarding the safety of years old collections of museums. This act is an obstacle for maintenance of museums. Hence, state museums are left with no option of neglecting to charge visitors for their visit. In summary, I believe something should be done for citizens of a country in order to recognise the heritage of this nation. Children should be allowed a free entry to museums besides adults should be charged for their visits. Nevertheless, financial factors should not play a dominant role for citizens to notice their homeland's fortune.
Globally, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
charges its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. It creates a difference between have and have not poor sentence formation. Everyone should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to know about his /her native country's culture.
Moreover
, more numbers of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an analogy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
special trips to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in this way citizens of a nation could
also
share and understand the heritage of their homeland. Affordability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should not
be hindered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial hurdles.
As a result
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
could have both foreigners and locals visiting them.

On the other hand
, it is quite a difficult task for state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to maintain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
collections for our cultural heritage. They would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete with other necessities of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like education, hospitals etc. for allocation of the budget provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. State
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
would face quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficulties to renovate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
collections to existing nation's fortune.
Moreover
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
could damage the property of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
should
be limited
regarding the safety of years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
collections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. This act is an obstacle for maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Hence
, state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no option of neglecting to charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
for their visit.

In summary, I believe something should
be done
for citizens of a country in order to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the heritage of this nation. Children should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
a free entry to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
besides
adults should
be charged
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
.
Nevertheless
, financial factors should not play a dominant role for citizens to notice their homeland's fortune.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Should state museums charge visiting fees or that should be completely free? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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