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Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v.10

Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 10
Some people think that women and men have different strengths and weaknesses and as a result of that some certain jobs are suitable for men and some certain jobs are suitable for women. I do not agree with this opinion. Before the Second World War, the labour force was dominated by the males. Female workers could find a very little area in the job market to work but during and after the Second World War producers needed waste amount of labour force to keep their facilities running. Because of a certain number of men was in the military services, they started to hire female workers. Especially in the USA. This was the first time which the female workers show they can do the same job with male workers. After the following years, female workers became more qualified and they started to penetrate higher positions. In the seventies and eighties, females were all over the job market and in any position. That shows us that if they have given opportunities, women can do any job which a man can do. Some people thought that the women have physical weaknesses according to men and that prevented to do jobs which need physical endurance. That opinion is old fashioned and wrong. In the times of Second World War nearly all the jobs which needed physical endurance were getting done by the women in the USA and also in the USSR- before the Soviet Union had collapsed, even the mining operations were getting done by the women. Another example in the same kind of situation is about the textile business. In the 19th century,   the labour force in textile works was dominated by the men but today women have outnumbered men in that area. Other tan this opinion, some people believe that the man can't do the jobs which need gentleness. This idea is also wrong. The best example of the wrongness of this idea is kindergarten teachers and nurses. In the seventies and eighties, there were nearly no male kindergarten teachers or nurses, even in the well-developed countries like USA or Canada but after nineties men started to work as kindergarten teachers or nurses. Today, even in the developing countries like Turkey or Mexico you can see many male kindergarten teachers or nurses. In the republic of Ireland, a man who is a former tax lawyer is trying to be Olympic synchronised swimmer and that shows us the gender is not an issue about doing a job. As a conclusion, in today’s world women and men can capable of doing any jobs. Excluding a male or a female from a certain profession because of his or her gender doesn't have any logical reason. Believing a gender is not a suitable for a certain job is just an out fashioned thought. There is no limitation for the men and women in the job market except prejudice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
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men
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
strengths and weaknesses and
as a result
of that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force
was dominated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
could find a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
area in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
during and after the Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War producers needed waste amount of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their facilities running.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
was in the military services, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Especially
in the USA. This was the
first
time which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
they can do the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with male workers.

After the following years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
became more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
qualified and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to penetrate higher positions. In the seventies and eighties,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and in any position. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us that if they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can do.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have physical weaknesses according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which need physical endurance. That opinion is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. In the times of Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
War
nearly
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which needed physical endurance were getting done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the USA and
also
in the USSR-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the Soviet Union had collapsed, even the mining operations were getting done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. Another example in the same kind of situation is about the textile business. In the 19th century,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force in textile works
was dominated
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have outnumbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in that area.

Other tan this opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can't do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
which need gentleness. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The best example of the wrongness of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergarten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
. In the seventies and eighties, there were
nearly
no male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergarten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
, even in the well-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
or Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after nineties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergarten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, even in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like Turkey or Mexico you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kindergarten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nurses
. In the republic of Ireland, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is a former tax lawyer is trying to be Olympic
Possible spelling mistake. 'synchronised' is British English.
synchronised
swimmer and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
us the gender is not an issue about doing a job.

As a conclusion, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can capable of doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Excluding a male or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
profession
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
gender doesn't have any logical reason. Believing a gender is not a suitable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
an out fashioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
. There is no limitation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market except prejudice.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some certain jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. v. 10

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
483 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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