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In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes Why is this happening How should they by punished v.2

In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes Why is this happening How should they by punished v. 2
It is true that there is an ever-increasing rate of young delinquents all over the world. There are numerous reasons could be identified for this criminal behaviour of those young offenders, who should be punished accordingly with different punishments. At least two reasons could explain for this criminal tendency of children and teenagers. One possible motivation for them is that they have been living in economically deprived conditions, meaning that they have to struggle on a daily basis to earn a living, as a way to help their poor parents. Experencing hardships and discomforts for a long time coulg cultivate law-breaking intentions in their mindset, in a mistaken belief that they could escape from their poor standards of living. Besides, another incentive for them to turn to crime career could be that they was born and raised in a family that have working parents who have insufficient time to instil in those offspring basic code of conduct and deter them from offending intentions. Those children, therefore, are highly susceptible to crime, especially copycat crime, once they tried to emulate offenders' behaviour on television. Punishments, thereafter, should be imposed for those young delinquents depending on their level of committing crimes. For those teenage shoplifters, for instance, they should be educated compulsorily in special educational classes where they are taught by police officers who intruct them about the consequences of all criminal acts. This could, therefore, have the deterrent effects on those children and teenagers themselves to prevent them from breaking the law. Whereas, with regard to dangerous criminals such as arsonists, a zero tolerant policy is essential, although they are still young. Prison sentende could be applied in this crime, for instance. In conclusion, children and teenagers who come from poor background families and upbringing could be subject to criminal tendency. Proper punishments are crucial for them depending on different criminal activities.
It is true that there is an ever-increasing rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
delinquents all over the world. There are numerous reasons could
be identified
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
offenders,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
be punished
accordingly
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
punishments.

At least two reasons could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. One possible motivation for them is that they have been living in
economically
deprived conditions, meaning that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
struggle on a daily basis to earn a living, as a way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their poor parents.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Experencing
hardships and discomforts for a long time
Possible spelling mistake found.
coulg
cultivate law-breaking intentions in their mindset, in a mistaken belief that they could escape from their poor standards of living.
Besides
, another incentive for them to turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
career could be that they
Use third-person plural verb with 'they': "are", "were".
was
born and raised in a family that have working parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have insufficient time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
in those offspring basic code of conduct and deter them from offending intentions. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
therefore
, are
highly
susceptible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
especially
copycat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, once they tried to emulate
Possible spelling mistake found.
offenders&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on television.

Punishments, thereafter, should
be imposed
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
delinquents depending on their level of committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. For those teenage shoplifters,
for instance
, they should
be educated
compulsorily
in special educational classes where they
are taught
by police officers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
intruct
them about the consequences of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
acts. This could,
therefore
, have the deterrent effects on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from breaking the law. Whereas, with regard to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
such as arsonists, a zero tolerant policy is essential, although they are
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. Prison
Possible spelling mistake found.
sentende
could
be applied
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
for instance
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor background families and upbringing could be subject to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
tendency. Proper punishments are crucial for them depending on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes Why is this happening How should they by punished v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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