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Imagine that you are preparing for a holiday. You plan to be away from your home for a week. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your v.2

Imagine that you are preparing for a holiday. You plan to be away from your home for a week. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your v. 2
If I go to trip and there will be one additional thing, which I take, of course it would be my smart phone. Due to its paramount, they have become essential part of our life. We shape our life and make it easy by the help of smart phones First, they help us to find a place which we want to go. When you plan to go somewhere or lost your way, you can use it; therefore, It is good to have it to find your way. Take my own example, I have visited Paris several times. Every time I tried to go somewhere, I discovered different places by the help of my smart phone. Moreover, these journeys increased my knowledge about Paris streets and avenues. Secondly, communication has always played significant role in each person’s life. It is also vital for me to communicate with my family while I am away from my house. I can call my family or text them and share my experiences, if I have smartphone during my holiday. That is, they make our life more comfortable. Thirdly, in addition to the importance of communication and navigation, there is another subtle reason. Sharing pictures on social media platforms is so popular among the Young. You can share your pictures on social media namely Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. It helps to manage your accounts. To sum up, taking all aforementioned reasons in to the account, one cannot deny the important of smart phone in our life. Not only on a holiday but also on our daily routine, life can be boring without it. They make us happy and help us when we really need a help.
If I go to trip and there will be one additional thing, which I take,
of course
it would be my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
phone. Due to its paramount, they have become essential part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We shape our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
phones


First
, they
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help us find"?
help us to find
a place which we want to go. When you plan to go somewhere or lost your way, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it;
therefore
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have it to find your way. Take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
example, I have visited Paris several times. Every time I tried to go somewhere, I discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
phone.
Moreover
, these journeys increased my knowledge about Paris streets and avenues.

Secondly
, communication has always played significant role in each person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is
also
vital for me to communicate with my family while I am away from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. I can call my family or text them and share my experiences, if I have smartphone during my holiday.
That is
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more comfortable.

Thirdly
,
in addition
to the importance of communication and navigation, there is another subtle reason. Sharing pictures on social media platforms is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular among the Young. You can share your pictures on social media
namely
Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to manage your accounts.

To sum up, taking all aforementioned reasons in to the account, one cannot deny the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
phone in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on a holiday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on our daily routine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can be boring without it. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us when we
really
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Imagine that you are preparing for a holiday. You plan to be away from your home for a week. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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