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Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. v. 2
It is claimed that teenagers should become full-time students until they reach at least 18 years old. In my opinion, I disagree with this point of view. Those proponents in favor of such view do believe that the main reason why schoolchildren should learn at school all day long is that the more time they spend on studying, the more useful knowledge they could gain, the more success they have once they enter the world of works. Nevertheless, I refute this perspective, seeing that besides knowledge gained at classroom context, other hands-on experience and social skills, which are seldom attain if children take so long to stay at school, are much more crucial. For instance, it is true that managers wouldnot recruite those job hunters who have no team spirit and public speaking skill, in spite of the fact that they have vast knowledge in their field. Moreover, apart from school career, children have right to indulge in their favourite hobbies and appreciate sentimental value. It stands to reason that more and more students in this day and age have been put under enormous pressure, including from school, peers, and even their parents' expectations. Consequently, they could easily suffer psychological problems in default of leisure time, when they could put their mind at ease and their interpersonal relationship could be lost gradually. If, for example, schoolchildren are forced to learn all day long without any spare time for spiritual comforts, then it is highly likely that they would suffer from stress or even intend to commit suicide and their special bond with other family members could be undermined due to the lack of family time. In conclusion, I disagree with the stance that full-time education until children are at least 18 years old ought to be required in educational settings.
It
is claimed
that
teenagers
should become full-time students until they reach at least 18 years
old
. In my opinion, I disagree with this point of view.

Those proponents in favor of such view do believe that the main reason why schoolchildren should learn at
school
all day long is that the more time they spend on studying, the more useful knowledge they could gain, the more success they have once they enter the world of works.
Nevertheless
, I refute this perspective, seeing that
besides
knowledge gained at classroom context, other hands-on experience and social
skills
, which are seldom attain if children take
so
long to stay at
school
, are much more crucial.
For instance
, it is true that managers
wouldnot
recruite
those job hunters who have no team spirit and public speaking
skill
,
in spite of
the fact that they have vast knowledge in their field.

Moreover
, apart from
school
career, children have right to indulge in their
favourite
hobbies and appreciate sentimental value. It stands to reason that more and more students in this day and age have
been put
under enormous pressure, including from
school
, peers, and even their
parents&
#039; expectations.
Consequently
, they could
easily
suffer psychological problems in default of leisure time, when they could put their mind at
ease
and their interpersonal relationship could
be lost
gradually
. If,
for example
, schoolchildren
are forced
to learn all day long without any spare time for spiritual comforts, then it is
highly
likely that they would suffer from
stress
or even intend to commit suicide and their special bond with other family members could
be undermined
due to the lack of family time.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the stance that full-time education until children are at least 18 years
old
ought to
be required
in educational settings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some argue that all young children should be required to stay with full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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