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In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this? v.4

In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this? v. 4
In today's era of modernization, the human race is still combating the issue of drug abuse. A recent study suggests that the rate of narcotic usage has increased among the youth all over the world. In this essay, I would like to highlight various causes behind this filthy habit and suggest a few effective methods to tackle this issue at hand. I would like to highlight 3 major reasons behind this trend. Firstly, peer pressure plays an important role in forcing schools and university students to abuse their bodies by consumption of various drugs. The reason behind this is that habits for instance, smoking marijuana is considered to be cool and thus, teenagers use this as a means to fit in. Secondly, easy availability of drugs hampers all efforts to reduce drug use. This is a result of a lack of strict laws regarding the problem of narcotics. As a result, these substances can be easily acquired globally. Thirdly, stress is not an unknown entity. The younger section of society is heavily reliant on mood altering agents such as, cigarettes, alcohol or cocaine to relieve stress, but this temporary relief comes at a heavy cost. They cause long term effects on their physical, mental and emotional health. Through this essay, I wish to emphasize on 3 ways to fight this problem. Primarily, stricter punishment should be given to drug sellers and abusers in the form of community service, fines or imprisonment. Furthermore, providing help to those who need it. Addicts should be enrolled in rehab centres to help them quit drug use. They should also be given various aids that help in quitting for example, nicotine gums and lozenges that reduce withdrawal effects. Lastly, awareness should be created in schools, universities and workplaces regarding the ill effects of drugs on our bodies to ensure that students understand the dangers of such substances. In conclusion, I strongly believe that drug abuse among the youth should be completely eliminated in our society which can be achieved by understanding the reasons behind this and following the various strategies described in this essay.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era of modernization, the human race is
still
combating the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse. A recent study suggests that the rate of narcotic usage has increased among the youth all over the world. In this essay, I would like to highlight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
causes behind this filthy habit and suggest a few effective methods to tackle this issue at hand.

I would like to highlight 3 major reasons behind this trend.
Firstly
, peer pressure plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in forcing schools and university students to abuse their bodies by consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The reason behind this is that habits
for instance
, smoking marijuana
is considered
to be cool and
thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this as a means to fit in.
Secondly
, easy availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
hampers all efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This is a result of a lack of strict laws regarding the problem of narcotics.
As a result
, these substances can be
easily
acquired globally.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is not an unknown entity. The younger section of society is
heavily
reliant on mood altering agents such as, cigarettes, alcohol or cocaine to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this temporary relief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at a heavy cost. They cause long term effects on their physical, mental and emotional health.

Through this essay, I wish to emphasize on 3 ways to fight this problem.
Primarily
, stricter punishment should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
sellers and abusers in the form of community service, fines or imprisonment.
Furthermore
, providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to those who need it. Addicts should
be enrolled
in rehab
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. They should
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
aids that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in quitting
for example
, nicotine gums and lozenges that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
withdrawal effects.
Lastly
, awareness should
be created
in schools, universities and workplaces regarding the ill effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
on our bodies to ensure that students understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of such substances.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse among the youth should be completely eliminated in our society which can
be achieved
by understanding the reasons behind this and following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in this essay.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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