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In many countries, young people move to cities leaving their homes in rural areas for work or study. What do you think are the reasons for it? Do you think advantages for moving to cities outweigh disadvantages? v.2

In many countries, young people move to cities leaving their homes in rural areas for work or study. What do you think are the reasons for it? Do you think advantages for moving to cities outweigh disadvantages? v. 2
Young people move to the metropolitan cities, leaving their hometown for various purposes, such as education, career and business. Here, we can discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the people moving to major cities and reveal my own opinion. First, students shift to another location, which have universities with excellent track record in their field of interest. It helps them to be graduated in their own interested subject and further move to post graduation. To achieve this, they compromise and move out of their home town. Second, Initially they were thought to be outside for a short period, but after the completion of the study, they were forced to stay in the same city or move to even the big city to hunt a job. Finally, they marry a girl and set up a family life and stayed in the metro city, for work and other facilities. My friend, Raj was shifted to another country to complete his post graduation, he was thinking to return back after completion, but he got a job and married. The advantage in the metropolitan cities is the facilities available in every field are enormous, when compared to the limited availability in the country side. On the other hand, after leaving your city, you could almost forget your friends and relatives and you will be like an alien. If a family man shifted to the another city for work, but alone, due to his children's education or some other reason, It's a horrible experience. For Instance, a colleague of my friend moved to New Delhi from Tamilnadu, where he was working for last 15 years and he joined in a half minded due to the instruction from management and finally, he left the job due to family sick. This could be one of the major disadvantages and a few other points also need to be considered such as family function, local festival, which you could miss for sure. However, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in major areas, such as job, education and better lifestyle. In my personal opinion, I would stand in favour of city life for better prospects, that cannot be provided by urban areas.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, leaving their hometown for various purposes, such as education, career and business. Here, we can discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving to major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and reveal my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

First
, students shift to another location, which have universities with excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
record in their field of interest. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
be graduated
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interested subject and
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to post graduation. To achieve this, they compromise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
out of their home town. Second,
Initially
they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be outside for a short period,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after the completion of the study, they
were forced
to stay in the same city or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to even the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city to hunt a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Finally
, they marry a girl and set up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life and stayed in the metro city, for work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities. My friend, Raj
was shifted
to another country to complete his post graduation, he was thinking to
Consider using "return".
return back
after completion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and married. The advantage in the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the facilities available in every field are enormous, when compared to the limited availability in the country side.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, after leaving your city, you could almost forget your friends and relatives and you will be like an alien. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
shifted to the another city for work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
alone, due to his children's education or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reason, It's a horrible experience.
For Instance
, a colleague of my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to New Delhi from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tamilnadu
, where he was working for last 15
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
years and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
in a half minded due to the instruction from management and
finally
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
sick. This could be one of the major disadvantages and a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
points
also
need to
be considered
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
function, local festival, which you could miss for sure.

However
, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in major areas, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, education and better lifestyle. In my personal opinion, I would stand in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of city life for better prospects, that cannot
be provided
by urban areas.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young people move to cities leaving their homes in rural areas for work or study. What do you think are the reasons for it? Do you think advantages for moving to cities outweigh disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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