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In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are reasons of these? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are reasons of these? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Big organisations give permission to the employees to operate from their living place, which is a really major benefit, as it reduces wasting time of travelling to work place. In my opinion, there are a lot of advantages that cover the drawbacks of this idea, because the workers will be more comfortable. Firstly, saving the unused occasions of an employee will, consequently, boost the time of activity, thus, more tasks can be done. For example, if an employee spends one hour daily to go to office in unusually heavy traffic, especially, in the rush hours when all employees go to their work places and students travel to their schools, he will not perform with full concentration and may miss any of his tasks, so decreasing this moment will be beneficiary for completing a huge number of tasks ion the same day. Moreover, increasing the convenience of the employees will reflect on making a productive, effective gain, because the passion and loyalty of them will increase towards their firm. For instance, a particular corporation relies mainly on sales and marketing have to make the salesmen more comfortable to think out of the box and create new ideas to attract more customers, thus, the revenue of the association will increase, which raises the capitals of this organisation. To summarize, minimizing the waste time and increasing the comfortability for workers will have a really positive effect on work, whole company, and also the employer. Furthermore, the reputation of the company will build up in the market, that will attract more candidates to apply for any vacancy.
Big
organisations
give permission to the
employees
to operate from their living place, which is a
really
major benefit, as it
reduces
wasting time of travelling to work place. In my opinion, there are
a lot of
advantages that cover the drawbacks of this
idea
,
because
the workers will be more comfortable.

Firstly
, saving the unused occasions of an
employee
will,
consequently
, boost the time of activity,
thus
, more tasks can
be done
.
For example
, if an
employee
spends one hour daily to go to office in
unusually
heavy traffic,
especially
, in the rush hours when all
employees
go to their work places and students travel to their schools, he will not perform with full concentration and may miss any of his tasks,
so
decreasing this moment will be beneficiary for completing a huge number of tasks ion the same day.

Moreover
, increasing the convenience of the
employees
will reflect on making a productive, effective gain,
because
the passion and loyalty of them will increase towards their firm.
For instance
, a particular corporation relies
mainly
on sales and marketing
have to
make
the salesmen more comfortable to
think
out of the box and create new
ideas
to attract more customers,
thus
, the revenue of the association will increase, which raises the capitals of this
organisation
.

To summarize
, minimizing the waste time and increasing the
comfortability
for workers will have a
really
positive
effect on work, whole
company
, and
also
the employer.
Furthermore
, the reputation of the
company
will build up in the market, that will attract more candidates to apply for any vacancy.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are reasons of these? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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