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Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v.1

Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v. 1
Technology has a lot of benefits to people, however, there are some drawbacks that may harm all nations, so some countries decide to stop development of high tech. In my opinion, I cannot agree with this point of view, because the marvellous inventions come to our world as a result of the proper use of it, like new techniques and machines that is used in medical operations, and also discover the space, which is impossible without the new discoveries. Firstly, the first advantage of using the technology is that researchers have explored new organs for treatment of dangerous diseases, which may lead to death, such as cancer, diabetes, kidney impairment, and complicated heart problems. For example, nowadays the surgeons can exchange the pancreas of diabetic patients with new synthetic one, consequently, the patient will continue his life without using medicines anymore like normal people. Furthermore, the public have been knowing the solar system, which the earth is a part of, by designing rockets and astronauts suits to support them during a journey to the outer layer of the earth, where there is no gravity or oxygen to breath. For instance, the whole world has known that the moon cannot shine by itself and it is just a reflection of the sunlight. Thus, how can any country discourages the technology and neglects the gifts we can get? . To conclude, the advantages of scientific know how is really fantastic and no one can deny that, regardless the hazards that may result from it. Moreover, every day there are new discoveries in different fields, hence, the technology must be respected.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that may harm all nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
development of high tech. In my opinion, I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
inventions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to our world
as a result
of the proper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
techniques and machines
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in medical operations, and
also
discover the space, which is impossible without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
discoveries.

Firstly
, the
first
advantage of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is that researchers have explored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
organs for treatment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases, which may lead to death, such as cancer, diabetes, kidney impairment, and complicated heart problems.
For example
, nowadays the surgeons can exchange the pancreas of diabetic patients with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
synthetic one,
consequently
, the patient will continue his life without using medicines
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
like normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Furthermore
, the public
The verb know is usually not used with a continuous form, use the simple form instead.
have been knowing
the solar system, which the earth is a part of, by designing rockets and astronauts suits to support them during a journey to the outer layer of the earth, where there is no gravity or oxygen to breath.
For instance
, the whole world has known that the moon cannot shine by itself and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a reflection of the sunlight.
Thus
, how can any country discourages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and neglects the gifts we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To conclude
, the advantages of scientific know how is
really
fantastic and no one can deny that, regardless the hazards that may result from it.
Moreover
, every day there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
discoveries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields,
hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be respected
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists believe that in the near future cars will be driven by computers. What are the reasons behind it? Would it be a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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