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In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v.1

In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v. 1
Nowadays, TV popularity among young people have gone through boom period and it comes with severe consequences. Some obey that TV program has contributed to the children's role while others believe an action of kids are influenced by the amount of time in front of the TV. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument along with my own perspective. To begin with, children, who taps into the world of television, have brought negative impacts on individual kids themselves. Besides, it leads to the misconduct of children if they watch inappropriate TV shows, such as crime movies, violent shows or offender documentary. As a result, young people started to imitate an act of violence and brings them towards a criminal road. Furthermore, kids will gently isolate from others and contributes to the lack of interaction with other people. Secondly, others believe spending too prolonged time watching TV will influence a child's manner. One reason is that, if the amount of time is not limited, students will become an introvert. Consequently, the negative effect is generated in a kid’s life. Being an introvert made children transformed into an aggressive person and hardly perform tasks on daily lives. This has resulted from the lack of adequate instruction since they become isolated from the outside world by spending most of their leisure time watching television. To conclude, both actions generated by kid whether spending a large amount of time or improper TV program has brought them to negative behaviour on their own lives. Therefore, it contributes to the lack of social interaction and start to become an introvert. Furthermore, their own behaviour also affected by watching an aggressive movement of people that will bring them to a criminal path.
Nowadays, TV popularity among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have gone through boom period and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with severe consequences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
obey that TV program has contributed to the children's role while others believe an action of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are influenced
by the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the TV. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument along with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, children, who taps into the world of television, have brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
themselves.
Besides
, it leads to the misconduct of children if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
inappropriate TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, such as crime movies, violent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
or offender documentary.
As a result
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to imitate an act of violence and brings them towards a criminal road.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
gently
isolate from others and contributes to the lack of interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, others believe spending too prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV will influence a child's manner. One reason is that, if the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is not limited, students will become an introvert.
Consequently
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect
is generated
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
life. Being an introvert made children transformed into an aggressive person and hardly perform tasks on daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This has resulted from the lack of adequate instruction since they become isolated from the outside world by spending most of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television.

To conclude
, both actions generated by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
whether spending a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
or improper TV program has brought them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, it contributes to the lack of social interaction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to become an introvert.
Furthermore
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by watching an aggressive movement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that will bring them to a criminal path.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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