Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v.2

In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v. 2
Nowadays, as both the parents are working, a greater trend of baby sitters and cretches is being observed and followed in the society. After a certain time, the parents are forced to keep guardians for their children due to work commitments. I, personally feel that it is not a very good option during the growing years of a child. The guardian cannot provide the same care and warmth as the parents. It further compromises with the security of the baby as well. Firstly, it should be noted that guardians or caretakers cannot provide the same care to parents as the parents will. They just try to keep the baby occupied. The nurturing that a parent might provide cannot be compared to what a caretaker provides. To infer, most of the caretakers are uneducated and hence, they cannot provide creative activity for the child. Secondly, the safety of the child also gets compromised when a strange person comes at home to take care of the child. There are many examples of crimes being committed against young children. Many episodes of ill-treatment of the child have come to news as well. Since the young one is incapable of protecting himself/herself, their safety gets highly compromised. Hence, it is clear from the above-mentioned points that hiring a nanny or guardian for young children is not a very viable option. Not only is it unsafe, but also hampers the creative development of the child.
Nowadays, as both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working, a greater trend of baby sitters and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cretches
is
being observed
and followed in the society. After a certain time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
guardians for their children due to work commitments. I,
personally
feel that it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option during the growing years of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. The guardian cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the same care and warmth as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It
further
compromises with the security of the baby
as well
.

Firstly
, it should
be noted
that guardians or caretakers cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the same care to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the baby occupied. The nurturing that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
cannot
be compared
to what a caretaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
. To infer, most of the caretakers
are uneducated
and
hence
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
creative activity for the child.

Secondly
, the safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
compromised when a strange person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at home to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of crimes
being committed
against young children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
episodes of ill-treatment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to news
as well
. Since the young one is incapable of protecting himself/herself, their safety
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
highly
compromised.

Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the above-mentioned points that hiring a nanny or guardian for young children is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
viable option. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is it unsafe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
hampers the creative development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young children are looked after during theday while their parents go to work. In a sense, they are raised byguardians and not their biological parents. What is your opinionof this family arrangement v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts