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In many countries women no longer feel to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and donot require security that man can bring. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries women no longer feel to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and donot require security that man can bring. v. 1
Marriage is one of the ritual which can make two different souls into one. In the current time of technological advancement, one of the most pressing concerns regarding the given is that should modern women need to tie a knot with someone if she feels financially secure or not? I completely agree with the statement and shall explore the valid reasons of these aspects in the following paragraphs. The first step is to understand why women change their perception towards. Broadly speaking, there are three main reasons for this. The first and foremost is Education, Gone are the days in the male dominent society where women consider lower than male and their primary responsibility was to work in household chores but in this competitive world, As modern women get educating. It makes them confident and self-reliance. A recent survey conducted by University of Berlin reveals that 80% of the women who have completed their bachelor' s degree donot want to get married as they are financially reliable on their own. Another reason is increasing ratio of illiteracy among male candidates. According to University of Berlin, Women brains are more capable to learn something new. They are more hardworking and qualified than men. That difference become a hurdle for them to find out an ideal life partner who is more qualified among them. As we have seen that there are number of answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that women nowadays show more how good they are, how independent they are, they can do all things that men can do, they do not need the benefits could be brought from the marriage.
Marriage is one of the ritual which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
souls into one. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time of technological advancement, one of the most pressing concerns regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
is that should modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
need to tie a knot with someone if she feels
financially
secure or not? I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and shall explore the valid reasons of these aspects in the following paragraphs.

The
first
step is to understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their perception towards.
Broadly
speaking, there are three main reasons for this. The
first
and foremost is Education, Gone are the days in the male
Possible spelling mistake found.
dominent
society where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
consider lower than male and their primary responsibility was to work in household chores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in this competitive world, As modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educating. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them confident and self-reliance. A recent survey conducted by University of Berlin reveals that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who have completed their
Possible spelling mistake found.
bachelor&
#039; s degree
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married as they are
financially
reliable on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Another reason is increasing ratio of illiteracy among male candidates. According to University of Berlin,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
brains are more capable to learn something new. They are more hardworking and qualified than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. That difference become a hurdle for them to find out an ideal life partner who is more qualified among them.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are number of answers to this question. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
they are, how independent they are, they can do all things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can do, they do not need the benefits could
be brought
from the marriage.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and donot require security that man can bring. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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