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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.3

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 3
Owing to women have a great income and earning high position, in many countries, women think that getting married is not important. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this concept because of the consequences that may arise from ending the marriage. One major result to not marry is a decrease in the population. In other words, the main reason to get married is to have children. When women decide to not have children, they affect the human race. It is true that in many countries the government limits the number of children per family, but they can still have a family. Having a family helps to flourish and develop society. I believe no one wants to live alone with no family. Except people who are not willing to get married because of various believes and thoughts. Thus, money is not everything in life. Another result to consider is women living alone for the rest of their lives. In addition, this may result medical and emotional issues. They need a man to support them when they are in trouble. Everyday news demonstrates that the percentage of suicides due to loneliness are extremely high. People always need someone to stay with and spend their time. People also have a better quality of life when they can share emotion and feelings with their partners. In conclusion, the idea that jobs, strong positions, and high monthly salary are essential for fabulous life, however marriage is necessary to have a secure and warm life. People will always need other people to grow and survive, and to have a most fulfilling life.
Owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have a great income and earning high position, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that getting married is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. In my opinion, I completely disagree with this concept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the consequences that may arise from ending the marriage.

One major result to not marry is a decrease in the population.
In other words
, the main reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married is to have children. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
decide to not have children, they affect the human race. It is true that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
limits the number of children per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
still
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to flourish and develop society. I believe no one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of various
Did you mean "beliefs" (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
and thoughts.
Thus
, money is not everything in life.

Another result to consider is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
living alone for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
, this may result medical and emotional issues. They need a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to support them when they are in trouble. Everyday news demonstrates that the percentage of suicides due to loneliness are
extremely
high.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always need someone to stay with and spend their time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
have a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
when they can share emotion and feelings with their partners.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that jobs, strong positions, and high monthly salary are essential for fabulous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
marriage is necessary to have a secure and warm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will always need other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to grow and survive, and to have a most fulfilling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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