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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.4

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 4
People in many countries believe that women don’t feels like to married because women want to control about there’s own privacy financial including there’s income money that marriage and bring. Overall, I agree with this statement that women need to have privacy about financial. Women want to have privacy so they choose to be single better than married. This is not wrong that women choose to be single it is all about the safety. In this day and age the criminals can come kind of relationships. A clear example of this, is the number of criminals are increasing a lot during this period of time while, most of the gender is male many news reports that’s many women have been tricked about money because women when the time passed, they trust and when the time, passed criminals knows all about financial and this lead to why women want to be single. Another of this is that, every person has human right, so it is mean that women can choose to be single can control about her life including the financial and income salary. Moreover, people will think that how single women can manage all about financial things however, it can solve this problem by putting the money in the bank account so they don’t have to worried about the security and safety of women. In conclusion, women can should be single better than have been in a relationship, but you don’t know that you are the victim of criminals. It is all about the privacy and human right.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
don’t
Did you mean "feel"?
feels
like to married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
want to control about there’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
privacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
including there’s income money that marriage and bring.
Overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
need to have privacy about financial.

Women want to have privacy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they choose to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
better than married. This is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
choose to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
it is all about the safety. In this day and age the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
kind of relationships. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example of this, is the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are increasing a lot during this period of time while, most of the gender is male
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
news reports that’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
been tricked
about money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
when the time passed, they trust and when the time, passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
knows all about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and this lead to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
want to be single.

Another of this is that, every person has human right,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can choose to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
can control about her life including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and income salary.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can manage all about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
things
however
, it can solve this problem by putting the money in the bank account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worried about the security and safety of women.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
better than have been in a relationship,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you don’t know that you are the victim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
. It is all about the privacy and human right.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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