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In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.6

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 6
Today's world is witnessing a change in perception of traditional roles of both men and women. More and more modern females worldwide choose to remain unmarried. Some people argue that the lack of economic incentive to marry is the reason why women prefer to stay single, which I consider to be partially true. Apart from the money factor, I believe that contemporary females are choosing personal interests over family, opting for building careers, studying, or romantic freedom. First, women nowadays may prefer to stay single or postpone getting married because of immersing themselves in getting a degree or switching a career. The western world has seen plenty of cases when females in their thirties become students once again, enrolling in programs of their dreams. It is highly likely that determination to succeed education-wise does not allow for nurturing a baby and doing household chores. It is certainly felt as though females of the twenty-first century, being fully aware of the opportunities available, refuse to deny themselves exciting educational prospects. Second, modern women find themselves under less pressure to start a family, while having more freedom in their romantic choices. Mass media has had a significant impact on relationships between a man and a woman. In particular, TV shows like Sex and the City, provide strong, confident women as role models for our generation. It seems, therefore, that the idea of settling down, unlike continuous dating, does not appeal to young females. Thus, women’s priorities are shifting from tying the knot to short-term relationships, self-development, and conversing with peers. In conclusion, women’s attitude towards marriage has obviously transformed due to many factors, one of them being financial autonomy. Yet, the current social reality implies that females provide for themselves, commit themselves to their hobbies, and no longer define themselves as wives only. All the above inevitably leads to women fighting for their rights and acquiring more independence.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's world is witnessing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in perception of traditional roles of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. More and more modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
worldwide choose to remain unmarried.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the lack of economic incentive to marry is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
prefer to stay single, which I consider to be
partially
true. Apart from the money factor, I believe that contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are choosing personal interests over family, opting for building careers, studying, or romantic freedom.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
nowadays may prefer to stay single or postpone getting married
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of immersing themselves in getting a degree or switching a career. The western world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of cases when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in their thirties become students once again, enrolling in programs of their dreams. It is
highly
likely that determination to succeed education-wise does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for nurturing a baby and doing household chores. It is
certainly
felt as though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
of the twenty-
first
century, being
fully
aware of the opportunities available, refuse to deny themselves exciting educational prospects.

Second, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
find themselves under less pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a family, while having more freedom in their romantic choices. Mass media has had a significant impact on relationships between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and a woman.
In particular
, TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
like Sex and the City, provide strong, confident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as role models for our generation. It seems,
therefore
, that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of settling down, unlike continuous dating, does not appeal to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
priorities are shifting from tying the knot to short-term relationships, self-development, and conversing with peers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
attitude towards marriage has
obviously
transformed due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors, one of them being financial autonomy.
Yet
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social reality implies that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
provide for themselves, commit themselves to their hobbies, and no longer define themselves as wives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. All the above
inevitably
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
fighting for their rights and acquiring more independence.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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