Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries women join the army as men do However some people argue that the army solely needs males What is your opinion v.2

In many countries women join the army as men do However some people argue that the army solely needs males What is your opinion v. 2
Some people argue that military conscription should only be applicable to men despite the fact that women have set foot in nearly every walk of life. Personally, I completely agree with the point of view that females can contribute to the army just as males do for a range of reasons. First and foremost it could be argued that the primary standpoint to conscript females is that they now have more chances to receive an education. In comparison with the past, where the army recruitment policies focused on strength and fitness, the current focus is on academic ability. As a result of this, physical fighting either armed or unarmed no longer features in modern warfare. It has been replaced by battles between tanks, armors, missiles or warplanes, most of which are computerized. Another important reason could be thought that the inborn merits of women would probably stand them in good stead. It is evident that females are less likely to commit errors, as they are accustomed to dealing with matters with accuracy and caution. Patience, the endurance of hardships especially in grueling conditions and consideration of others account for the high presence of females in army hospitals or logistics departments. Notwithstanding their strengths females have some limitations they may need to overcome. The first obstacle is social attitudes. Females have to cope with the pressure exerted by their families or friends as serving the armies is widely accepted as a deadly job, which is predominantly for males. The second one is sexual discrimination and harassment which seems quite common in most armies and can discourage women from military service. In conclusion, it is understandable that women’s enrolment in the army is acceptable for several reasons mentioned above.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that military conscription should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be applicable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have set foot in
nearly
every walk of life.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
can contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as males do for a range of reasons.

First
and foremost it could
be argued
that the primary standpoint to conscript
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have more chances to receive an education.
In comparison
with the past, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
recruitment policies focused on strength and fitness, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
focus is on academic ability.
As a result
of this, physical fighting either armed or unarmed no longer features in modern warfare. It has
been replaced
by battles between tanks, armors, missiles or warplanes, most of which
are computerized
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the inborn merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
would
probably
stand them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead. It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are less likely to commit errors, as they
are accustomed
to dealing with matters with accuracy and caution. Patience, the endurance of hardships
especially
in grueling conditions and consideration of others account for the high presence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
hospitals or logistics departments.

Notwithstanding their strengths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations they may need to overcome. The
first
obstacle is social attitudes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with the pressure exerted by their families or friends as serving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a deadly job, which is
predominantly
for males. The second one is sexual discrimination and harassment which seems quite common in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
and can discourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from military service.

In conclusion
, it is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
is acceptable for several reasons mentioned above.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In many countries women join the army as men do However some people argue that the army solely needs males What is your opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts