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In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the newborn. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the newborn. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
The maternity leave is a benefit given to protect the dignity of motherhood and to ensure the health of the mother and child. I believe that the pros of maternity leave outweigh the cons. A number of arguments support my opinion. First, maternity leave is very advantageous for the newborns. We all know that the future of the world rests largely in the hands of the generation of generation we are rearing. Once a child is born, it becomes national property. Mothers are the front line childcare providers and therefore, if they are given maternity leave, they can do their job better. In most Indian homes the mother's salary is necessary to support the family. So, if the mother does not get a paid maternity leave, then she has to go back to the job earlier and this affects the childcare. Nurseries fail to provide the one-to-one interaction children need. Secondly, maternity leave is beneficial for the mother herself. It is an undeniable fact that woman has to go through a very stressful time physically, emotionally and financially, during pregnancy. Therefore, if women are allowed maternity leave, they can look after their health. A recent research has proven that if health of young mothers is good, then the physical and mental health of children is also good. Another important advantage of the maternity leave is that, the job is secure. Where maternity leave is not allowed, the woman has to leave her job, and the vacancy may get filled when it is time for her to get back to work. The fear of losing the job altogether makes many women apprehensive and so they get back to work at the cost of their health and their child's health. Admittedly, there are a few disadvantages of maternity leave. A long maternity leave may be an obstacle for career progression. Secondly, in the case of unpaid maternity leave, there may be a financial strain on the households. To sum up, I reiterate my opinion saying that the disadvantages of maternity leave are negligible as compared to the advantages. That is why some countries have taken a step forward and allowed maternity leave to women after childbirth.
The maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is a benefit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to protect the dignity of motherhood and to ensure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
and child. I believe that the pros of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
outweigh the cons. A number of arguments support my opinion.

First
, maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advantageous for the newborns. We all know that the future of the world rests
largely
in the hands of the generation of generation we are rearing. Once a child
is born
, it becomes national property. Mothers are the front line childcare providers and
therefore
, if they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, they can do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
better. In most Indian homes the mother's salary is necessary to support the family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a paid maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, then she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
earlier and this affects the childcare. Nurseries fail to provide the one-to-one interaction children need.

Secondly
, maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
herself. It is an undeniable fact that woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go through a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
stressful time
physically
,
emotionally
and
financially
, during pregnancy.
Therefore
, if women are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, they can look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. A recent research has proven that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of young mothers is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, then the physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of children is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
advantage of the maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is secure. Where maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
, the woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and the vacancy may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
filled when it is time for her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to work. The fear of losing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
altogether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
women
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
apprehensive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to work at the cost of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and their child's health.

Admittedly
, there are a few disadvantages of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
. A long maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
may be an obstacle for career progression.
Secondly
, in the case of unpaid maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
, there may be a financial strain on the households.

To sum up, I reiterate my opinion saying that the disadvantages of maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
are negligible as compared to the advantages.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have taken a step forward and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
maternity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leave
to women after childbirth.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of the newborn. Do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
364 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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