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Countries becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

Countries becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
Many people argue that the evolution of international trading can lead to the growing similarity between nations. Despite some adverse effects from this trend, I believe that this commercial advance would bring many benefits to all the world. First of all, there are some obvious drawbacks which nations need to take into consideration before opening their economic barriers. The first problem is the risk of the assimilation which threatens the cultural identity. Importing products from other countries, nations also compel with the integration of other cultures. This phenomenon can be clearly seen in the fashion domain: Nowadays, most people dress suit or follow western style instead of wearing traditional clothes as the daily costume. Another pitfall worth mentioning is that more and more involvement of foreign investors in the local market can accelerate the competitiveness which causes many inconveniences for local businesses, particularly in the developing countries. For instance, attracted by state-of-the-art products imported from other countries, residents easily turn against internal products. Many medium and small enterprises in Vietnam are victims of this issue and have to go bankrupt due to lack of competing capability. On the other hand, the globalization in the economic area creates more merits than demerits. In terms of macroeconomics, the expansion of importing and exporting helps to enlarge the market; therefore, brings more opportunities for companies to make money as well as for government to earning foreign exchange. Besides, the diversification of products and services is also a key factor which shrinks the distance in living standard between nations. For example, Vietnamese people, these days, have more chance to opt for consuming goods of which price is completely reasonable with high-quality from America or Europe. Finally, using international products is also a means of experience and acknowledge the culture and current technology of the neighbors. Indian handicrafts increasingly consumed in Vietnam is a plausible evidence for the integration and sharing traditional value between two ethics. In conclusion, certain is the fact that some inland problems associated with culture identity and capacity of local companies should be tackled in case of opening national market. However, I support the idea that this trend does not abolish traditional beauty of each nation but create more benefits for individual economies as well as for their residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the evolution of international trading can lead to the growing similarity between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects from this trend, I believe that this commercial advance would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to all the world.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious drawbacks which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
need to take into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
opening their economic barriers. The
first
problem is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the assimilation which threatens the cultural identity. Importing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
also
compel with the integration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures. This phenomenon can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the fashion domain: Nowadays, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dress suit or follow western style
instead
of wearing traditional clothes as the daily costume. Another pitfall worth mentioning is that more and more involvement of foreign investors in the local market can accelerate the competitiveness which causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inconveniences for local businesses,
particularly
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.
For instance
, attracted by state-of-the-art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
imported from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries, residents
easily
turn against internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
medium and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
enterprises in Vietnam are victims of this issue and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go bankrupt due to lack of competing capability.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the globalization in the economic area creates more merits than demerits. In terms of macroeconomics, the expansion of importing and exporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to enlarge the market;
therefore
, brings more opportunities for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money
as well
as for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to earning foreign exchange.
Besides
, the diversification of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services is
also
a key factor which shrinks the distance in living standard between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, Vietnamese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, these days, have more chance to opt for consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
of which price is completely reasonable with high-quality from America or Europe.
Finally
, using international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is
also
a means of experience and acknowledge the culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technology of the neighbors. Indian handicrafts
increasingly
consumed in Vietnam is a plausible evidence for the integration and sharing traditional value between two ethics.

In conclusion
, certain is the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inland problems associated with culture identity and capacity of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
be tackled
in case of opening national market.
However
, I support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that this trend does not abolish traditional beauty of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
create more benefits for individual economies
as well
as for their residents.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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